Expectations.
Prior to getting sober, I did not even understand that my expectations were causing me harm. I wanted what I wanted and did not care who or what the consequences were, until I did. Then the self loathing and the pain of my actions weighed me down so badly, I wanted to die.
AA has taught me that my expectations, when not centered with my HP’s will, cause me pain. Most recently, I realize that my put HUGE expectations on ME. What I should be doing, how far in my recoveryI should be, how quickly I accept my part and how connected I am with my HP. My expectations of what I can control and how I can “fix” them are off. I feel judged by my sponsor. I feel “wrong” for not simply letting things go and giving them to HP.
I have moments of peace though when I realize that I am exactly where I need to be. Talking to other women in the program, seeking outside help from professionals and talking to my HP, are helping me get back on track to loving myself AS I AM.
I would love to hear your ESH on this topic.