Topic for the week: Obsession
For many years I didn’t realize I was an alcoholic. I thought I abused alcohol, used it to self-medicate, ended up binging because I’m not good at moderation, etc. This program has shown me how wrong I was. When I read the Big Book, I felt like it was written about me.
Something that especially stood out was the great obsession of every abnormal drinker being, “somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking” (AA Big Book, page 30). The methods described on page 31 to try to control it, like limiting to beer, never drinking in the morning, taking more physical exercise, I related to so much. I had tried most of those things! (unsuccessfully)
The mental obsession around alcohol was not something I could get rid of on my own. But I didn’t believe at first that a higher power could actually help me to remove this obsession. Regardless, I worked through the steps of AA and tried to trust the process of honesty and spiritual action.
Slowly, I started to feel differently. I never thought I could hang around with people who were drinking and not drink myself. But to my surprise, I have actually been able to do this when I have to. I am no longer fighting to keep myself from drinking, because I just don’t want it.
In the description of step 10, the Big Book says, “by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part” (page 85).
The obsession is no longer with me and I am so grateful for this. I have no interest in picking up that first drink, even when it’s sitting right in front of me. It amazes me. I know that I need to work daily on the program in order to keep this miracle. It is worth working for.
Please share your thoughts or experience with the struggle and/or relief of the mental obsession of alcohol from your higher power and spiritual awakening. Thank you for letting me chair this meeting.