Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
In Steps 4 & 5 I made a “searching and fearless” moral inventory then admitted these things to myself, my sponsor, and my Higher Power. In Step 6, I can explore a bit more how the character defects I noted in Step 4 and shared in Step 5 are blocking me off from the “sunlight of the Spirit”, keeping me stuck in old behavior patterns and ways of thinking. Since joining AA, I found that I needed to change my actions and thinking otherwise it seemed likely I’d go back to drinking because it was my character defects and stinking thinking that fueled a lot of my drinking. Resentments, anger, self-pity, a desire to control people, places, and things…all of these led me to drown my frustration, unhappiness, etc. in alcohol.
In order to help me understand my character defects and why I’ve held on to them, I got a piece of paper and made three columns. In the left column I wrote each defect from my Step 4 on a separate line. In the middle column, I looked at each defect I listed and considered how it no longer served its purpose. For example, if my defect is trying to control people, I wrote down how this behavior is no longer useful. I may have developed this behavior in order to make sense of the chaos around me and to feel protected, but now it drives people away and causes problems in many areas of my life. It’s a coping mechanism that’s outdated – no longer needed as I learn more helpful ways of living in sobriety.
So, I’ve written down the defect, I’ve thought about why or how I developed it and how it’s no longer useful, and now I have to decide if I’m willing to let it go – this is the third column. What will happen if, for example, I no longer try to control those around me…if I focus only on me and my behavior? It’s a bit scary, really, thinking about changing behaviors I’m so used to and comfortable with. In order to do this step, I need to trust my Higher Power and take a leap of faith, faith that, in letting go of my defects, positive changes will occur, e.g., I’ll learn/develop emotionally healthier ways of dealing with people and problems, I’ll grow spiritually, I’ll begin to feel more of the happiness, joy, and freedom that comes from working the steps, and so on.
Having looked at our character defects, gained an understanding of why we developed them, and considered their outdated usefulness, we’re asked to be “entirely ready” to have “all” of our character defects removed. I think this step was written this way in order to avoid “half measures” and taking an “easier, softer way”. On the face of it, if “all” our character defects were removed, we’d be saints, yes? But we know we’re not saints, and that the aim is for progress, not perfection.
By using the words “entirely ready” and “all”, I believe we’re being asked to continue to be fearless and thorough in our efforts to rely on the God of our understanding to relieve us of the burden of self. As an active alcoholic, I often looked for the easier, softer way to do most things in life – and drinking to oblivion was one of those ways. If I skimp on this Step, if I choose to let go of only some of my character defects, what’s to stop me from justifying picking up a drink because of a resentment, need to control, self-righteous judgment, and so on? As I said, it was my character defects that often led me to pick up a drink, so hanging on to them jeopardizes my sobriety.
In the end, this Step asks us only to become willing…just that. We’re given the opportunity to explore the destructive nature of our character defects and understand how they aren’t compatible with our efforts to practice the AA principles in all our affairs. It’s by doing this Step, in my opinion, that we begin the process of discarding our active alcoholic personality and turn toward the “sunlight of the Spirit”.
Thanks for letting me share. The meeting is now open to anyone who would like to share their experience with Step 6, or to ask questions about it if there’s something you’re not sure of