Relationships in Recovery
It’s March in the desert and that means visitors. Next week one of the people coming down to enjoy the weather will be my dad.
I have not lived in my hometown for almost 25 years. For most of that time I spent vacations visiting my dad. And I resented it. I resented the fact that my dad had never come to visit me. I felt hurt by his lack of interest in spending time with me. When I got sober, I saw that I had a lot of expectations: in short, I wanted my dad to become the dad I wanted him to be.
Over time, I have stepped back. Today I only call when I am feeling spiritually centered. I try to accept him as he is. Most importantly, I am learning to approve of myself, instead of waiting for him to approve of me.
And last year my dad came to visit me for the first time.
I have time boundaries around our interactions and bring my HP along to help me release my expectations.I have learned to say “You could be right,” instead of arguing. Today, I use my interactions with Dad to focus on what is important to me: practicing tolerance and limit setting.
How have your relationships changed as you’ve changed in sobriety? What are some of the tools you use to adjust yourself to “what is”f?
Looking forward to hearing you share on this topic or whatever is going on in your Program this week. Thanks for allowing me to be of service!