I have been struggling lately with life. I know that the struggles are not life threatening. They are just really uncomfortable. My husband, who is also in the program, and I have been talking about how sometimes in meetings, all you hear is that if you work the step, get a sponsor and not drink, your life will be better, great even. And compared to what I was before AA and recovery, my life certainly is better. But I’m an alcoholic . My head is telling me that AA isn’t solving ALL my problems, and therefore, I am doing it wrong. See, look you hurt yourself, and your dog has some sort of back pain that will cost up to $10,000 to fix. Work continues to be extremely busy. What is the point? Sobriety isn’t all that great after all.
I don’t want to drink, I am just not happy with life right now. Does that mean that I am not doing AA right? When I sit and talk to my God about this, I know I am ok exactly where I am. I know that AA cannot take away the pain in life. But AA has shown me how to be ok while I am uncomfortable. My God does not leave me, she walks with me and sometimes, even carries me, because I don’t have the strength to take another step. What helps me stand still instead of running and avoiding like I uses to with alcohol and later with anything else that numbed the pain? I have been showing my fear and uncertainty more around my husband and people I trust. I am not hiding my uncomforable, and I am asking for help. I started doing gratitude lists again. The slogan “this too will pass” and :one day at a time”, have helped me breathe through the moments. I continue to reach out and be honest with other ladies in AA. None of these things stops the uncomfortable, but it certainly makes it easier to endure until the storm passes. I am so grateful to have alternative solutions to uncomfortable today.
I would love to hear about what you do to endure life storms sober.