Thanks to all of you and the program of AA, I celebrated eleven years of continuous sobriety on the 9TH of August. My intention for the coming year is to channel some of Bill Wilson’s audacity–and faith.
Our 12 Traditions lay out the process early AA’s went through to bring this program to light, warts and all. Today, I’m especially drawn to Tradition 4 (Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole), where Bill writes:
“We saw that the group, exactly like the individual, must eventually conform to whatever tested principles would guarantee survival. We had discovered that there was perfect safety in the process of trial and error.” (12×12, p. 146)
Bill didn’t wait until the program of AA was fully baked before he tried to implement it. He knew people were dying of alcoholism and trusted that the fellowship—and its tested principles—could solve problems on the fly.
In my own program, however, I’ve been playing it safe. Or, as a friend puts it, not trusting my future self.
In other words, I’m held by my higher power, accountability buddies, the Steps and Traditions. I have a plan for living and the ability to choose that active addiction denied me. But I’m not acting like it.
Just as I’ve learned to live without alcohol, I’ve created healthy boundaries with my family of origin, become a trustworthy person, and attained a measure of emotional balance. And l did it all through trial and error. None of it looked pretty, none of it came off without a hitch.
So what’s preventing me from taking up even more space, trying new things, going new places, letting myself play and get silly? Fear. Of looking stupid, getting hurt, being disappointed.
What have I forgotten? Rule #62: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously!” (12 x 12, p. 149)
In the spirit of “trial and error” and wearing life like a loose garment, how would you like to grow your recovery in the coming year? How are you taking yourself too seriously? What has trusting your Higher Power brought into your life that is better than anything you could have dreamed up?
As always, feel free to share what you need.