Opportunity to be of Service
The timing of this opportunity to be of service couldn’t come at a better time because it’s also a very challenging one in my recovery. Funny how things can work out that way.
I have to be very honest with you all. I have been experiencing the pitfalls of longer term sobriety and have felt like a hypocrite. Intellectually, I know what the right things are to do; meetings, sponsorship, working with a sponsor and others, service, prayer, meditation and more.
Over time I have become lost and distant from f2f meetings. The tools of the program have been neglected including my connection with my Higher Power.
I have felt as though I have been in trouble and not understanding what’s going on.
Finally, in a counseling session, I realized all of the changes and losses that there’s been for me in my AA community. A number of key people who were a big part of my recovery here in VT have moved away including my sponsor. There have been others who’ve left for other reasons, and then there have been deaths of a couple of old timers whose absence is keenly felt.
I am fortunate in that my husband is also in recovery. He has his program and I have mine. He doesn’t nag me or try to tell me what to do but, he’s always there if I need him. I asked him where to start humbly realizing I needed help. He is a huge example of someone who talks the talk and walks the walk.
He suggested I go back to the basics. So, to start I have been getting on my knees in the am. I have been reading “How It Works” in the Big Book, and meditating for short periods of time. More action is needed.
I am so grateful because this is our sober weekend getaway. Every Christmas for the last few years we are fortunate to be able to go to E. Dorset, VT to Bill Wilson’s Inn. There we are submerged in AA. Just the surroundings alone bring me comfort and a feeling of serenity and peace.
There are meetings from tonight, into tomorrow and then Sun am that we attend. It’ like a shot of AA in the heart to help me move forward. I can’t afford to keep sliding back or to stay stuck in place.
I know that I can’t stay sober alone and isolated. I have to take responsibility and do whatever it takes to rebuild a community of women in f2f meetings, find a new sponsor locally, continually stay in contact with my Higher Power and remember the tools.
I don’t want to drink today but, I truly understand that our disease is insidious and always there if we neglect our program of recovery.
I feel as though I have rambled on but hope that there are those of you who can relate to what I have shared in some way. If you have any ESH that you would like to share with me privately please send to email@example.com. I would love to hear from you. Otherwise, as always, I look forward to your shares.
Merry X-mas and Happy New Year.
Love, Ruth F. DOS: 2/14/99