Jan 17: Moment of Clarity

Carolyn, Alcoholic and grateful to be here today – grateful to be anywhere.

Thinking about a topic for today I started to think about the day – today is my son’s 26th birthday. He came into this world while I was still out there. I didn’t drink much while pregnant with him and I tried not to smoke… today I think about that and cringe at the selfishness. With my second child, the same. I chose not to nurse so that I could get back to my drinking and drugs. I was so excited and proud that my daughter chose to nurse her daughter.

I got to my first meeting when they were 7 and 8 years old – of course I would have liked to have gotten here a bit sooner but I know now that I wasn’t ready.

The topic for today could be knowing, and believing that we are ready to end that way of life. There were so many times when I knew how I was living was not good for my family but I couldn’t stop – I prayed for the willingness to want to stop – for THEM. I felt so selfish but just couldn’t wait to get messed up and forget who I was and what I was and who I had become. The exact moment that I knew it was enough is when I found a strength I had no idea I had. I put the drink down – I put the drug down and I started the process. Started making the phone calls that changed my life.

I look back on that night then the next morning and it was as if I was being led and all the pieces came together ‘magically’. There was nothing else different about that night. It was like every night for the past 20 years…

I get to this program, get a sponsor and work the steps. I was willing to go to any length to get what I saw you all had. God – it was not easy but it was worth it. I look back and think about it all. Seems like yesterday but then seems like a lifetime – it was both actually. I need to keep that feeling of knowing I was given a true Moment of Clarity on the night of April 30th, 2004 and began my sober journey the next day.

Today I am a different person but the same… I am REAL and have PURPOSE. I am not lost 🙂

Please share on what you may get from this share – or on anything you may need to

Thank you so much for the opportunity to chair this meeting.