Step 10 “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
This is by far my favorite step because it allows me to purge each day. If I am taking constructive daily review in written inventory, when I do my annual reworking of the Steps then my 4th, 5th, 6th and 9th steps are not as overwhelming because of the daily maintenance of Step 10.
Steps 4-9 are to “prepare us” for daily living, the AA way of life, “One Day at a Time.” The obsession to drink and the insanity has been removed. In Step 10, we are returned to sanity. In Steps 10-12 we maintain the new order of things — and we grow in understanding and effectiveness.
When I start to “cut back” on daily inventory the reconstruction of ego commences. I will start to Minimize, Justify and Rationalize the white lie, the road rage, the keeping that text secret, the judging her, the blaming him, any and all actions that cut me off from God’s light. If I am cut off from that light I start worshiping myself again. My soul will get hungry so I will drain your light, my boyfriends light, anyone’s light because I am not getting fed. No light, no purpose…And so begins….THE CHATTER! I can not get fed on yesterday’s inventory, steps, gratitude list, service to others, prayer and meditation. You eat food everyday, you don’t just eat once and ride on that for days, weeks, years…Same applies.
Inventory allows me to see where I fell short. What were my motives? Who did I hurt? Why do I say that? Who was I rude to? Why did I sabotage this? Why do I put so much effort into looking good on social media? Do I put half the effort into my sobriety and growth that I do playing a role or living up to an illusion of what others think of me? How does my home life look? How do I treat my partner?
These questions, being completely HONEST with myself, putting it on paper, practicing the opposite tomorrow will ensure that I continue to grow. If I am NOT growing, I am dying…My alcoholism/ego mind wants me dead but will settle for me drunk or dry drunk and miserable. This predator, I call the ego mind, not only hates me but HATES people who love me and will hurt them too if the light is cut from my soul. This is why I drank the way I did, as long as I did. I was living off the light I had before I started drinking or drain others of theirs then piling on more garbage by what I was doing while I was drinking.
Zero nourishment/light so my body and soul suffered because I was trying to “think” my way out using the same mind that got me this way running on animal instinct and creating chaos. My mind/ego could not be trusted as integrity is NOT a mental construct.
Maintaining a constant vigilance is vital as to not became vampiric…sucking others dry with complacency.
When I have a life of inventory, discipline and discernment, freedom from being enslaved by booze and other people’s perceptions is the byproduct. Freedom is in the discipline of Step 10.
When I first started this process I didn’t really understand how to carry out this Step. Do I just sit and think about my day? NO!!!! Thinking is my worst enemy! So when it was finally revealed to me what Step 10 entailed I saw it more than just keeping a journal but more as a opportunity take part in my sobriety by putting pen to paper as Awaken God Conscious Human Being. Not the automaton that I once was because I was cut off from my soul. The Big Book says about Step 10:
We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Pg 84
How do you practice Step 10 daily?
Thank you for to opportunity to be of service…
Love in the Sunlight of the Spirit! Hilarie