Who is Driving the Bus?
Hi Ladies. My name is Alison and I am an alcoholic. Welcome new gals, and congratulations to our celebrants!
I am still a planner and an organizer. I make lists and cross stuff off. In fact, if I forgot to put something on the list, I may actually add it to the list after I have completed the task and then proceed to cross it off! Lol So, being as how I like to plan and organize, it was difficult for me to let God drive the bus when I first sobered up.
I was constantly taking the wheel and driving myself where I wanted to go. I found through trial and error, mostly error, that my Higher Power might have a better plan. I have learned over the years that God’s plan doesn’t always come with an itinerary! I have to trust my Higher Power more often than not. When I was new in sobriety I had a lot of difficulty figuring out if I was following God’s will, or my own will. (If the outcome was not to my liking, it was usually self-will at work.)
It seems that my Higher Power is full of surprises. I have come to figure out for myself that God’s will is very clear to me. It does not need my discernment or calculations or machinations. It has gotten easier to “Let Go and Let God” with the passage of sober time.
I have been ill for nearly 8 months now. I traipse from one specialist to another, and in all honesty, I and the doctors are left with more questions than answers, and yet doctor appointments continue to be the next indicated thing for me. I am in the research and discovery stage still. My medical case is complicated. It is frustrating, though I do have some answers and feel like I am moving closer to a diagnosis, which means a solution in my book. I have to trust in the process, do the footwork and let God handle it. My Higher Power has got this. I just forget that every now and again. So, for this week anyway, I am going to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!
Blessings, Alison B.