Trust in God’s Will
I played the victim of circumstance prior to my arrival in AA. You fellow Alkies taught me that much of that circumstance was of my own making. I stepped on plenty of toes and people naturally retaliated just like it says in the Big Book. I had an unhealthy dependence upon others to a great extent too. I really wanted everyone to tell me or reassure me somehow, that I was in fact, a good person on the inside. I just did not feel much of anything but fear and insecurity as a youngster and that continued on into my adult life.
I had unrealistic expectations of others and of myself. I spent a great deal of time and energy manipulating the outcome of stuff. By stuff I mean my interactions with others both in the workplace and at home. I wasted a great deal of energy on this little project, not realizing that God had a plan and, by seeking His/Her will, I would end up exactly where I was meant to be.
I frequently ask myself today: “Where is God in all of this?” That can be anything from unexpected changes in the course of my everyday life to the big stuff like unforeseen illness and injury. I spend a great deal of time seeking God’s Will today. Often that means I must remain patient and wait for the next indicated thing. In the early days of my sobriety I could easily find God in nature and in the eyes of my children. It was harder to find God in a vindictive employer or a physical calamity.
I have had plenty of hard knocks in sobriety – enough that I cannot possibly detail them in this share. But suffice it to say, I have not had to drink over any of them. For that I am eternally grateful to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and especially the women of AA. I have been a bit of a broken record of late. It is in the seeking of God’s will that draws me ever closer to my Higher Power.
Most of the time I only need be in the present moment to find God, and subsequently God’s Will. It is pretty simple, but there are some things in my life that do require some “foot work.” Take for example this employment opportunity in Florida. I have no idea what my husband I are to do about it. So we do nothing.
I continue to pray and offer the decision making process up to my Higher Power, trusting that He will give me discernment in His time. Oh Gosh. Patience is something that has come with practice. As I mentioned earlier, the old me prior to sobriety and in the early years of recovery worked very hard to figure out and sometimes manipulate the outcome. I am much more trusting of the process today. It is not so important for me to have all the answers today.
It is far more important for me to stay in today and let life reveal the outcome! With big life stuff, like moving, jobs, illness, injuries, etc. I take the easier, softer way. I don’t drink and I go to meetings and my Higher Power speaks to me through others. So my listening skills have gotten better over time.
If I can quiet all that goes on between my two ears, I have a better chance of hearing the cues from a God of my understanding. If I am in turmoil, not paying attention or otherwise preoccupied it takes me a whole lot longer to get to where it is that my Higher Power has me going! In other words, let God drive the bus. I always come back to that. It is a matter of trust really.
My primary goal is to live in trust you see. And this is not just a blind trust. After many years of trying my own way and running into walls, and coming back to surrender and testing God’s Will over and over again, I can take measure.
His way is infinitely better than anything I could conjure up on my own. I feel so blessed today to have been able to internalize that as fact. To finally be at peace and rest in the awareness of His Grace is something I sought for as a frightened child and as a frightened adult.
To finally arrive at a place of serenity is quite amazing. Thank you for your participation in my sobriety. I thank each and every one of you. Life is not always “easy peasy”. It is full of challenges and ups and downs. Trust in God’s Will and all will be well as we trudge the road of happy destiny. Relax and take it easy as you bask in the sunlight of the Spirit. Just for today. I’d love to hear what you have to share on the topic of Trust.