The lessons of trust and acceptance have been front and centre in my mind this year. Losing trust where it was once present brings up many negative feelings in addition to a loss of hope. I find myself questioning the integrity and motivations of people and institutions as never before, a frame of mind that leads me down a self-destructive path. I’ve realized that acknowledging this danger in my mind is not a remedy, nor does it bring even a smidgeon of serenity. In fact, the more I dwell on losing trust, the worse I feel.
I’ve been reminded ad nauseum this year, my character is most tested when life is difficult. These are the times that it *seems* a glass of wine (or a drug or a giant piece of cake) would serve as a magic wand to make all of my pesky problems disappear. But now I know too much, I’ve finally learned that is not the case. So today, I lean in more heavily than ever on God and step 3 to right my thinking, praying frequently to accept the plethora of situations and outcomes that I cannot control. I pray for trust in Him and His will, regardless of the outcome. I pray to trust and accept that my deepest fears and insecurities will come and go, and that is all part of life. Then I count my blessings as there is so much to be grateful for.
Two quotes from recent Hazelden readings that have helped me trust:
“Trusting our Higher Power today ensures that we will trust Him tomorrow also. We do not know what the future holds for us, but we are assured of God’s continuing care and support.”
“We learn to trust by giving over our dilemmas to God for solutions. With patience, we will see the right outcomes, and we will more easily turn to God the next time.”
So many lessons reveal themselves as I work the steps and tools of this program. Ultimately, my days are so much better when I put in the time and effort.
Please share any thoughts on how you approach a lack or loss of trust, or anything else you need to express. Thank you all for allowing me to lead this week.