I was at a women’s meeting this morning and was quite moved by the reading and the opening share. Before going to the meeting, I really didn’t know what I was going to share on for this week – honestly! The topics are always so amazing, and I feel like sometimes I don’t have a “good enough” topic. Ok – I admit, I sound like I’m getting into that self-centered, “reverse pride” mode – LOL! Anyhow, the reading and share at the particular meeting that I was at made me think about how much I have to be grateful for, and how easy it was, and sometimes still is, to take my sobriety for granted.
My sobriety is truly a gift. We really are the lucky ones – I have heard that lots of times at meetings. There was a woman who went to outpatient treatment with me in 2012, and I just found out today that she can’t stop drinking. She is supposedly going to an inpatient treatment center. Thanks to my Higher Power who I call God, the A.A. program, and amazing sober women like you ladies, I celebrated 18 months of sobriety. I have worked the Steps up to Step 10, and then I was let go by my sponsor. I am grateful for all of the sponsors that I have had since 2008 – each one of them has guided me and taught me something. For whatever reason, I have had multiple one night relapses along the way. By the grace of God, I have been able to come back to A.A. the next day. I am so grateful that I truly believe now and have fully accepted that I am an alcoholic. I know that if I were to pick up a drink again, I would lose everything! And there is no guarantee that I would be able to come back to A.A.
In order for me to stay sober, I need to change my thinking and behaviors. I am such a slow learner ladies! I go along and do the footwork, do the next right thing – and then I get anxious, overwhelmed, and overcome with fear and self-centeredness. This is dangerous, because I start to take my own will back, and that is when I am most vulnerable to pick up a drink.
This is a program of action, honesty and willingness. I am still looking for the “right” sponsor – one who is spiritual. I’m trying to be open and willing, and I keep praying to God for the right sponsor to come into my life. I am grateful that I have a few ladies that I can call on for guidance and several lady friends in the program!
I am so grateful for this precious gift of sobriety. I never want to take it for granted ever again! I have a disease that tells me that I don’t have a disease! I am grateful that it’s progress not perfection! I am grateful that I don’t want to drink. I am grateful for all of you.