Sep 13: Honesty

Before coming into the rooms of AA I was very dishonest. I lied to my boss, blaming other people for any mistakes I made like a toddler “I didn’t do it”. I lied to coworkers, once hiding important keys left on my desk because they belonged to a woman I disliked and knew she would get into trouble. I lied constantly to my spouse about my drinking and lied to my children that my drinking was normal. I lied to friends that my life was great, lied to family about my drinking, lied to get ahead, lied to get my way, lied to win …… I could take another hour and write about so many more instances that I was dishonest during my drinking career. Dishonesty was so much a part of me it became automatic. I could come up with a lie so fast while looking you in the eye it was scary.

When I finally dragged myself to the rooms of AA I was at a very low bottom. I learned very slowly because I thought it was all about drinking and how to stop. But as I was told at the tables I slowly started to change, inside and out. It was not easy and my HP was doing all the heavy lifting but I started to see a different person. Someone with a sense of honesty, both with myself and others. When I finally realized that even though no one else would see me sneak a drink (or six) I myself would know and I would care. This honesty with myself was a pivotal moment where the conscious change started and the changes stayed. I know it only happened because “I couldn’t, He could so I let Him”.

Today honesty is very important to me. I still find myself slipping sometimes but I try to use my tools and repair, start back on my program. How has dishonesty/honesty changed during your AA journey?