Feb 04: Alcohol’s Control Over Us

Alcohol’s Control Over Us

A reading in my “A Day at a Time” meditations book resonated with me.

“Now that I am in the Program, I am no longer enslaved by alcohol and other drugs. Free at last from the morning after tremors, the dry heaves…. Free from working out the alibis and hoping they won’t unravel, free from blackouts, free from watching the clock until I can get that desperately needed first drink/drug.”

Wow, exact picture of me in my using days! Alcohol told me if I could work that day, interact with other people or hide in my house, had to borrow money for more booze, had to hide more booze, was too high to stay up with the kids or spend the day in bed. Alcohol convinced me that the evening before that I could not remember was ok, that I was still a together person at work, that I did not have an alcohol problem. King alcohol constantly whispered in my ear, louder than my common sense, children or spouse. King alcohol changed what I heard to its own benefit, ever defending its dominate position in my life.

I am so happy to be free today! I have regained my life, my vision, my finances and my joy. Thanks to God and this program I am free from the chains of my addiction and will ever be grateful, as long as I follow my program.

Thanks for letting me lead this week.

Lynn H. DOS 9/30/96

Jan 28: Time


Last Tuesday I honored the fact that I have not picked up a drink for the past 29 years. I have never been much of a birthday person. I don’t enjoy them and I find them painful. They reminded me of all the bad old memories and feelings, the body memory of why I drank and what the consequences were. I felt obligated to celebrate them but inside, I hated them.

I have known people in AA with a lot of years who have nothing that I want; some newcomers are more sober. I’ve known some old-timers that have a lot that I want. The length of time a person has been sober has little to do with the quality of sobriety that they have, from what I can see.

Relapse is a part of my story. I first came to AA in 1986; I relapsed at 2 1/2 years sober. I only drank for a day. I did it because I was a drug addict and I wanted to be sure I was also an alcoholic. I stepped into the nearest liquor store and bought some beer, with the clever plan to drink two and leave four in the fridge. I proved to myself that day that I cannot drink like a normal person, but oh how I hated to give up my time. It has taken me years to get over the pride of that one! The only reason I share my birthday now is because it might help another woman.

Please share this week on time in the program. What value does sober time have for you? What do you like and dislike about AA birthdays? Are they meaningful to you, and if so, why.

Dec 24: One Day at a Time

One Day at a Time

All this past week I have been thinking of what to use for a topic for this week’s meeting. . . I looked in Daily Reflections and other daily readers, but nothing “jumped out at me”. Then this morning, I saw my reminder on my phone to send in the topic, and the topic became more clear.

My home group, and many groups in Toronto, use the reading: “Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow”. This finishes with the line: “Let us therefore live but One Day at a Time”.

I have been anticipating chairing this week. Then yesterday I had a bad headache, didn’t even turn on my computer, and went to bed early. . . forgetting about sending in today’s topic. I firmly believe that my HP uses my body to bring something to my attention. . . that even something good and positive doesn’t need to be over-thought ahead of time .

I too often dwell on the past and all the negative aspects of it. For me, this only magnifies how bad something was. And I also tend to think of days, weeks and months to come, with the hopes, dreams, and dreads (of the past catching up with me, haha) of the future. None of this is productive to my recovery, or progress as a person.

I do not wand to “regret the past or shut the door on it”, but I do want to learn from it, not live in it.

I sometimes wish I could plan the future, but all I can really accomplish is to “do the next right thing”. Some things require preparation, but I cannot plan things out in detail.

All this is Progress, not Perfection.

How have you learned to take One Day at a Time?

In love,