“More Than Comfort” – A reading from As Bill Sees It
I really didn’t know what topic to write about to be honest. I’ve been in a very bad emotional state- I guess you can call it an “emotional hangover.” I’ve been so unhappy- my depression and anxiety have been in full force. I’ve also been sponsoring myself and have been afraid to ask anyone to be my sponsor. I’ve gone through so many sponsors, that now I have been extra cautious about choosing the “right” one. Sounds crazy, I know. I also haven’t been really working the steps and only going to two meetings a week. My disease is telling me that two meetings is enough. In the meantime, I’ve been so malcontent. Last night I wanted to go to the store and buy alcohol. I also realized that I do not know how to ask for help nor do I want to always ask for help. I feel “stuck” even though I am praying every day to my Higher Power for guidance.
Tonight I took action. I called a woman who had offered to be my temporary sponsor. She is an older lady, very spiritual, and I love her dearly. I reached out for help and asked her to be my temporary sponsor. I feel so much better- lighter, and I feel myself recovering from the “emotional hangover”. It’s difficult for me to put my thoughts on “paper”, so I hope that I am making sense.
From As Bill Sees It: More than Comfort p. 148
“When I am feeling depressed, I repeat to myself statements such as these: “Pain is the touchstone of progress.” …”Fear no evil.”… “This, too, will pass.”… “This experience can be turned to benefit.”
“These fragments of prayer bring far more than mere comfort. They keep me on the track of right acceptance; they break up my compulsive themes of guilt, depression, rebellion, and pride; and sometimes they endow me with the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
—Grapevine, March 1962
This reading is a good reminder for me! It’s a reminder for me how important it is to pray and do the footwork. To accept that I am powerless over people, places, and things, and that I can only change myself. It’s so easy for me to get stuck in those feelings of guilt, depression, rebellion, and pride. When I allow these feelings to take over and overwhelm me, I feel hopeless and full of fear. That’s when I want to run away and drink, because that’s what I’ve always done. So I need to ask for help, work the steps, talk to other alcoholics and go to meetings. I can’t do this alone- I have tried, and it doesn’t work! I need you ladies, other women in the program and my Higher Power who I call God to help me stay physically and emotionally sober.
Thank you dear ladies. How do you deal with lack of emotional sobriety? What are your thoughts on the reading from As Bill Sees It? Please feel free to share on this topic or whatever else is on your mind.