It is said that we alcoholics are “egomaniacs with inferiority complexes.” Often, I stay so stuck in the “inferiority complex” that I can’t seem to crawl out from under it. I do recognize that even feeling inferior to everybody else is very “self”-driven and therefore could also qualifies me as an “egomaniac.”
As a child, my parents raised me to aspire to only “girl” goals and always be subservient to others. My mom used to frequently tell me that when I set a dinner table and there is a glass with a chip in it, I am to take that chipped glass. A very simple etiquette rule that I took way too far into how I perceived my worthiness in all areas of my life.
My ideas, my wants, my opinions are all inferior if they do match “yours.” And I find myself going way overboard in trying to please others that I am so full of resentment when others don’t make as great an effort to please me. What’s worse is I probably wouldn’t accept anything from others without feeling like I have to pay them back with twice the kindness. Does any of this make sense? I hope at least some of you can relate.
What I would love to hear is some magic solution that can completely change my thinking about my worthiness compared to others.
I once had a man in my treatment group suggest “… that if I could only sit myself on the other side off the room and speak to me as I speak to others, I would be a great deal kinder to me.” Very powerful stuff! I often think of that man and his words when I’m feeling down on myself; however, it never quiets the distorted and self-effacing chatter in my head. How do I turn it off!?!? Thank you, Ladies, for being here for me and each other.
I rarely feel like a freak because of my thoughts and feelings when I’m in the presence of Alcoholics Anonymous . especially the women in this program.