From Alcoholics Anonymous Fourth Edition page 151
“FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.”
Reading this I remember thinking how drinking was fun. Until it wasn’t… I tried controlling it and failing miserably. Unable to stand myself in the light of a new day, I had to drink to stomach the pain of my own miserable life.