Our Higher Power gives us the beacon light of abstinence, and with it He gives guidance out of our perplexities. Patiently waiting until we clearly see His will keeps us from getting lost in the darkness of self-will.” Quoted from the Hazelden app “Food for Thought”
Being raised in an agnostic environment, daily conversations with God (let alone trusting a Higher Power to help me manage my life) was a foreign concept. As an adult, I relied solely on willpower (i.e., self-will) to navigate every challenge I faced. While I appeared successful from the outside looking in, I always ended up in the same place internally, repeating the self-destructive patterns of behavior. I looked for solace, security, love and comfort in all the wrong places – an abundance of drugs, booze, sex, food… you get the idea.
Not anymore… I’m grateful to say that for the past 6 years up until today, this program has me on a different journey. After 64 years on earth I am capable of significant change, who would have guessed? Today, I rely on God for abstinence of several ‘addictions’ – to help me not pick up that drink, not shove that gigantic piece of cake down the pie hole, not behave like the emotional mess I used to be. Yet the notion of surrendering these desires to Him instead of relying on self-will is still an uncomfortable reach at times. Lately I find myself asking, am I praying right? Am I truly open and listening for His will? Will I recognize His ‘signal’ when it’s staring me in the face, or be selfishly oblivious to it all, preoccupied and distracted with the minutia of life?
I recognize that these are personal questions that only I can answer for myself. Yet I wanted to present this topic to all of you famously articulate sisters for any insights you might like to share about this aspect of your journeys. I am so grateful to have the 12 steps and all of you in my life!
Please feel free to share about this topic or any other that is on your mind.
Susan P.