Feb 07: Step 2

“As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. ” (Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 87)

This paragraph in our Big Book goes on to say that if we do this we are in less danger of becoming fearful, angry, worried or making foolish decisions. We won’t burn up energy needlessly.

There are times in my life when making decisions, big or small, is a hard thing to do.  Right now, it’s whether to respond to my older son about something that’s happening (he’s an active alcoholic) or just leave it alone. This time seems different– like it does require a response, when usually I do nothing and leave it in God’s hands. BUT– I’m not sure I trust my own head with what seems right just now! So I am doing nothing for this one day.

I’m finding the third lockdown here in the UK hard going. I live alone. For almost a year it’s been isolation, and not doing normal things like swimming, meeting a friend for coffee or lunch in town or visiting someone. I’m tired emotionally right now. I’ve just had a tooth extracted and so had spent a week in pain, which wears you down. I recently began to use a cpap mask at nights and although it’s bringing great results it’s left my sinuses blocked and lips chapped and sore. I’m in a bit of a sorry state physically right now. Emotionally, I know I’m fine, that fundamentally all is well.  Feelings are not facts. Often when I’m growing the most I’m feeling like s***!!

You know, as I sit here writing this, I feel peace in my heart. I’m not blocked with resentment or self pity. I attend some great Zoom meetings. Fear, yes, can come in, insecurity about the future. I have to bring it back right to the here and now. And to realise  my powerlessness over people, places and things. I either give all to God or I give nothing. There are no half measures.

I invite you to share on this topic of powerlessness in your lives, ladies.