May 04: The Woman I Always Wanted To Be

The Woman I Always Wanted To Be

Before sobriety I was that hopeless “victim,” expecting everybody to take care of me, be responsible for my actions, and meet my needs! I honestly thought the world owed me a living and that I was that “hip, slick and cool” chick who lived so very spontaneously and was a rare human being — and definitely the most popular! I had it all — so I thought!

The funny part about this today as I look back is that I had to make MANY geographics, as when people got tired of my “act” and stopped taking care of me, I had to move on to new proving grounds!

My life, as it were, changed drastically when I entered the rooms of AA and a very tough and feisty woman became my sponsor! She started talking about my Ego!!! “What is that?” I thought. “Not me! I don’t have an ego!” Wellllllllllll, she immediately started me working the Steps, which I did not do honestly the first time around! It wasn’t until about my 2nd year of sobriety that I actually got down and worked our beautiful Steps thoroughly and honestly — which totally changed my life! I started my journey from “her majesty, the baby” to the emotionally mature woman I always wanted to be!

I recently read in a meditation that to the Greeks, excellence was achieved when people became all they could be. And accomplishing that meant finding as many balances in life as possible. Their ideal, unlike ours, was “moderation in all things”!

I have found that my only opponents are my own deficiencies! And to understand my own personal brand of self-defeating thought patterns is to be forewarned!!! The survival of my self-esteem requires adaptation!

Successes, like disappointments, are opportunities for surrender. I have to remind myself that I will never fully experience how positive is this moment of success if I move right into the next available negative emotion!

Today I celebrate a success, large or small! I am becoming the woman I always wanted to be!

Are you the woman you always wanted to be? Are you on the path of being the woman you always wanted to be? Are you the woman you don’t want to be?