Topic for the week: Step 5 “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
Hello dear ones from our GROW community. I am Teresa S., a grateful recovered alcoholic.
As I get my tools ready, the Big Book and then 12 & 12, I ask my HP/God to help me with my thoughts and words so that they may help others. If you are new or returning, decide to believe those of us who have gone before you, even for one day or one hour; learn from others how to move toward a full and meaningful sobriety!
When I first came to AA, I did not come to help others. I came out of desperation to live and to see if this program could relieve my fears, my anxiety, my depression, my remorse and my anger. I wanted relief and I did not want to use alcohol anymore as the solution because it was not working and I was destroying my life and those around me. No other step provides the same kind of relief as Step 5.
Note: “If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.” Pg.72 BB
This was me: “the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his state character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but KNOWS in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”. Pg.73 BB
As suggested by my counselor, who was in recovery, I went to 90 meetings in 90 days. I found relief. I found a sponsor. Sober friends who understood my woes and sometimes laughed at them but never at me. I became willing to work the steps and when I got to Step five, I was taught how to admit to God, then to myself and then to another human the exact nature of my wrongs. I cried and cried and it all poured out from my written 4th step to the words coming from my mouth to the ears of another human being. I felt humiliated, ashamed and pitiful. Honestly, telling God and myself was easier because we already knew the truth.
The promises of Step 5 came true over time, over work, over being honest and willing. See them on page 75 of the Big Book! I found seven!
Others from the 12&12:
“We shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolation we’ve always had.” Pg. 57 12&12 I belonged! “It was the beginning of a true kinship with man and God.” Pg. 57 12&12
Then a BIG one for me: forgiveness. I could be forgiven and I could forgive. Just in the past six years of my sobriety while living here in Nicaragua I was given opportunities to help me truly understand, feel, know and live with forgiveness. “We’d be able to receive forgiveness and give it too.” Pg.58 12&12
Another promise of Step 5 is HUMILITY, “a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.” Pg. 58 12&12 I could no longer keep my past a secret. In Step 4 I looked. In Step 5 I admit the truth of who I was to another human so that I can change. “When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honesT with ourselves and with God.” Pg. 60 12&12
Some have felt the presence of God for the first time during this step. I honestly cannot say I did. However, over time, and working the steps, and reflection and acceptance and attending meetings and being of service and being willing and honest, and trusting my HP/God, I clearly have become conscious of God as I never was before.That’s a lot of “ands”! It takes what it takes! 🙂
Finally, the last part of Step 5 that we cannot omit: “Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God (of our understanding) from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps….” Pg.75
Looking forward to reading your experience, strength and hope around Step 5 or anything else that is on your heart. Thank you for allowing me to share.
Wishing you blessings and promises of all kinds!