“Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.”
Alcoholics Anonymous Page 62
My troubles are of my own making!? It didn’t make sense at me when I first came into AA. But he did this? They did that! I’m the victim. I didn’t mean to put myself in that position… I couldn’t help it!
I can hear/see my first sponsor in my mind, shaking her head. “Uh yeah…. No.”
I trusted her. I trusted the fellow recovering alcoholics in the rooms. I was willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. I became willing to consider that maybe I played a part in these life circumstances.
I wanted what I wanted… when I wanted it and how I wanted it. I thought I had a right to that. I’m laughing as I type. Says who? I’m not God. I had no relationship with him. I believed in him although I didn’t trust him.
Working the steps uncovered some large truths. I am selfish and self centered to the extreme. I don’t need to feel too bad about it now. I can accept it and see that I’m no different than my fellows.
I have fears that I can give to God. Or hold onto them and stay miserable.
I can try and fix, manage and control everyone and everything. Or relax and take it easy. Trusting Gods plan.
If I want something to be different in my life, I can take action. I don’t have to sit around and whine about life as it is.
Simple but not easy. I’m grateful for the steps, the principles, this way of life. My life is so good… happy, joyous and free.
Please feel free to share on this topic or what’s on your mind.