Topic for the week: Charging station for Volvo EX40.
My drinking problem turned out to be not only a drinking but mainly a thinking problem. When alcohol wasn’t my main obsession anymore, it became clear my drug of choice wasn’t alcohol or any other substance, My main drug of choice is using people to charge my battery. It is today, as it has been since I started this journey so called life.
My biggest pitfall as I look for conformation in the words of others. In place of the word of God.
Codependency eat your heart out…
In recovery I have experienced that in all my relationships so far, in one form or another, I used people, for my own advantage, as a medicine for my dis-ease. With which I have not only robbed myself but also other people of their time and energy.
I thereby have the tendency to suppress my true feelings in order to not acknowledge my restlessness, irritable and discontent about what’s underneath the surface. I am a con artist in disguise. Denial is my middle name. ‘
Exempel: yesterday, my ex sister in law and I crossed paths together. It was a trigger for me. Afterwards I shared my experiences with my family. Their reactions charged my battery, anxiety, fear, nervousness and resentment towards my past experiences. Setting in motion I was all over again creating chaos and chaos.
Before I know it I am projecting my bullshit on a neighbour. “Normality” she’s more friendly. Today’s she’s more introverted.
My sponsor tells me the world, not even of my neighbours revolves around me. I was using my neighbour as an excuse to deflect my true feelings. Wasn’t willing to dive into what I was really afraid of….!
My thoughts are misleading and inconsistent with reality. The neighbour across the street was my charging station because I did not use the program. I didn’t shared what was triggering me with my sponsor. Big mistake.
Thank God, I have a 12 step program for living. A sponsor, prayer, meditation, a toolbox and a strong connection with all of you!
Are you encouraging “this” in recovery?
How do you deal with feelings and thoughts that are not realistic or logical?
How do you find out it’s not rational or objective? What resource(s) are you using to recharge in recovery?
Thank you for allowing me to chair this meeting.
PS I don’t know if a Volvo EX40 is a fine car, but EX stands for all that’s in the past incl. all my exes :-)) and in my forties 40 I became sober.
With love,
Tanja