I would like to share from the Living Sober book exert from Using the Serenity Prayer pages 18-19
” On the walls of thousands of AA meeting rooms, in any of a variety of languages, this invocation can be seen:
God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
The courage to change the things we can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
AA did not originate it (Fun fact written by Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr around 1930 as part of a longer prayer). Versions of it seem to have been used for centuries in various faiths, and is now widely current outside of AA, as well as within the Fellowship. Whether we belong to this church or that, whether we are humanists, agnostics, or atheists, most of us found these words a wonderful guide in getting sober, staying sober, and enjoying our sobriety. Whether we see the serenity prayer as an actual prayer or just as a fervent wish, it offers a simple prescription for a healthy emotional life.
We’ve put one thing right at the head of the list among the things we cannot change, our alcoholism. No matter what we do, we know that tomorrow we won’t suddenly be nonalcoholic-any more than we will be ten years younger or six inches taller.
We couldn’t change our alcoholism. But we didn’t say meekly, all right I’m an alcoholic. Guess I’ll just have to drink myself to death. There was something we COULD change. We didn’t have to be drunk alcoholics. Yes, that did take COURAGE. And we needed a flash of WISDOM to see that was possible, that we could change ourselves.
For us, that was only the first, most obvious use for the Serenity Prayer. The further away we get from the last drink, the more beautiful and the more packed with meaning these few lines become. We can apply them to everyday situations, the kind we used to run away from, into the bottle.
By way of example: “I hate this job. Do I have to stick with it, or can I quit it?” A little wisdom comes into play: “Well, if I do quit, the next few weeks or months may be rough, but if I have the guts to take it- “the courage to change”-I think I’ll wind up in a better spot.”
Or the answer may be: “Let’s face it- this is no time for me to go job hunting, no with a family to support. Besides, here I am six weeks sober, and my AA friends say I’d better not start making any drastic changes in my life just yet-better concentrate on not taking the first drink and wait till I get my head straightened out. Okay, I can’t change the job right now. But maybe I can change my own attitude. Let’s see. How can I learn to accept the job serenely?”
How that word “serenity” looked like an impossible goal when we first saw the prayer. In fact, if serenity meant apathy, bitter resignation, or stolid endurance, then we didn’t even want to aim at it. But we found that serenity meant no such thing. When it comes to us now, it is more as plain recognition-a clear eyed, realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength. Serenity is like a gyroscope that lets us keep our balance no matter what turbulence swirls around us. And that is a state of mind worth aiming for.”
I chose this share for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, I need to be reminded daily I am an alcoholic just not a drunk one (today). Whenever I start to think I’ve got this sobriety thing, I am reminded usually by life in general that no I don’t have this. That’s just my alcoholic brain or my ego trying take over. I need this stern reminder I am always going to be an alcoholic; I just don’t have to be a drunk one. For me it is very important to remember where I am coming from. My alcoholic brain didn’t go away once I stopped drinking.
My other reason for this share is recently I have had several life issues that are necessitating me to use the serenity prayer daily if not several times a day. Job changes, martial issues, partial retirements, friends with medical issues you name it. My gyroscope has been shaken up so to speak. When it rains it pours. I have to work hard daily to just let go and let god.
The ideas of acceptance, courage and wisdom are hard for this alcoholic. Daily I ask myself:
How do I know what I should accept in my life and what doesn’t need to be changed or cannot be changed?
How do I know what or when I need courage to change, sometimes life does need us to make hard decisions?
How will I know I get those decisions right? Is there truly a right decision?
Daily I am struggling with the concept of the wisdom to know the difference. My higher power or God directs me to listen, trust and be patient. All very difficult concepts for this alcoholic.