I want to start by asking my HP, for me it is God, to help me with my words today, that they may help me and others to stay sober and grow in sobriety.
As we begin this fourth month of 2026, my reflection will focus on Step Four, bottom of page 63 to 71 in the BB, third edition. This book was given to me free by a member of AA in my first month of sobriety. I had NO idea about what was to come and how I was going to change. In those first 90 days, I focused on my pain, my problems, my life, my woes, my anger, my pitiful life. Yes, all about me. By the grace of God, guidance from members of AA and my willingness to listen, learn and take action, I have been sober since December 21, 1993. It is a miracle and I am grateful.
Every step has promises, I did not know this until a sponsor asked me to find every promise in the first 164 pages. At first, I only knew about the 9th step promises, because they were read at every meeting I attended. These perked my attention. I wanted every one of them to come true in my life but had no idea how. That desire, although with selfish motives, gave me the willingness to keep coming back. If you are new or coming back to AA, I hope the promises will motivate you to stay. You will be amazed before you are halfway through!
Working with a sponsor through Steps 1,2 and 3, I began my first Step 4, not knowing I would be doing this step several times in my journey, including at the present moment after many years of sobriety. I wanted then and now, to find a way to live happy, joyous and free. I learned the longer I put off the work of Step 4, the closer I was to drinking again. I began my “personal housecleaning” by taking aninventory of my life beginning with the character “flaws” that would get in the way of my progress. Not an easy task, looking in the mirror and HONESTLY facing who was there. My big “ah ha” moment was learning that healing the spiritual part of my disease had to be first, “When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.” Pg 64.
I followed the directions of my sponsor who used the directions from the Big Book (why complicate things?) and began to heal what I thought could never be healed. Today I know that healing may hurt, it does hurt, and that this pain makes space for love and forgiveness and compassion and patience and kindness and humility and more. The work of Step 4 led me to a sanity I could not have imagined, to know a peace within the chaos of life, to freedom from anger and resentments, to a relationship with my God that gives me strength when I feel weak and guides my words and actions daily. The 9th step promises have all been realized in my life today and they can be in yours too. “Letting go is not loss; it is space for what is true.” ~J. Kornfield
“Bless them, change me.” This is one of the most powerful lessons I learned from a sponsor while working a Step 4. How to forgive those who hurt me. The resentments I carried and still have a few to work on, controlled me, did not let me sleep, kept me angry, bitter, and fearful. “We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the ways they disturbed us, they, like ourselves , were sick too.” Pg.66-67 “We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.” A 4th Step promise!
The other thing that kept me prisoner and blocked the light of my HP was FEAR. “It was an evil and corroding thread;” pg. 67. I was given direction to reflect on why I had fear. It is not trusting my HP. It is believing that I am in control of myself, of others and of the situations in my life. Fear keeps me from relying on God instead of others… my husband, family, friends, neighbors,etc. They are all human, just like me and can and have disappointed me.
“We must trust infinite God rather than our finite selves.”…and others. “We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.” Pg. 68 Yet another 4th Step promise!
“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us do. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.” Another 4th Step promise! As suggested by a sponsor, I wrote my own fourth step prayer: “GOD…remove my FEARS. Frustration, Ego, Anger, Resentments, and Self-pity. Help me pray for all who have hurt me.” It’s on the mirror in my bathroom to remind me of the miracle that I am and how my HP has gifted me with the honesty, willingness and open-mindedness that has led me to today where I live a sober, spiritual life with a heart of gratitude, most days… progress, not perfection.
Thank you for this opportunity to share my experience, strength and hope as it pertains to Step Four and the promises of this step. Please share about your Step Four experience or any other topic from your heart.