I celebrated 35 years of continuous sobriety this past Wednesday. In thinking about how I accomplished this, I believe it was due to several things, one of which is that each new day I have the opportunity to: (a) do things differently/better than the day before, (b) make amends if needed, (c) choose to think differently, and (d) start the day over mentally if I don’t like the direction it’s taking.
As an active alcoholic, I lived in the past, going over what had been done to me – nursing resentments – and what I’d done to others – nursing my guilt and shame. Of the two, I definitely dwelt more on what had been done TO me, but both of these led me to drink to oblivion because I didn’t know how to deal with the experiences I had and the emotions they brought up.
Since getting sober and working through the steps, I don’t choose to live in the past anymore. I actually look forward to a new day. And although I don’t expect to have a tomorrow – we’re never guaranteed it – I go to sleep grateful for another sober day and being at peace with my life. Upon waking, I know I have the chance to do something good today, something meaningful to me or another person, and I have another 24 hours in which to grow spiritually. I see each new day as bringing opportunities for me to be more at peace with the world and myself, to learn more about the world and myself, to help others, and to enjoy the beauty of nature, friendships, my relationship with my Higher Power, and much more.
Don’t get me wrong – some days aren’t great. Some days I would rather not have to deal with the things that come my way. For example, recently my 88-year old mother told me she had to have surgery for cancer (she’s since had the surgery and seems to be doing well), and on Friday I was told the offer of employment I had from a college here in London has been withdrawn. I arrived in London on 1 April having booked a studio for two months with the expectation I’d be able to get an apartment once I started working. The reason given for the offer withdrawal is that I don’t have a permanent UK address…a catch-22 if ever there was one.
So, these things aren’t great, but today is another day and thankfully I have options. I don’t necessarily like all the options, but they’re there. Being sober for 35 years has given me numerous examples of being carried through difficult times by my HP, the fellowship, my family, and friends. It’s shown me that good often comes from situations I thought were not good. These things give me hope each day, and make me trust that everything will be okay, just for today. Not that everything will be as I want, but it will be okay, somehow.
Each day is a new beginning, and I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to live a sober life. My life as an active alcoholic was a nightmare, and I still find it hard to believe I made it through everything mostly intact physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m grateful for each new day because I’m sober, I have the AA program to guide me, and I have the fellowship of AA to walk with me as we trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.