August 2: Step 8

: Step 8 – Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

In Step 8 I’m ready to look outside of myself – to look at who has been negatively impacted by my alcoholic drinking and thinking. My sponsor advised me to go through my past and evaluate what I’d said and done to those caught up in the “tornado” of my drinking. For me, the list includes family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors, businesses, and strangers.

In order not to get overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, and loss, I need time to do this as well as the emotional space as it’s painful to recall some of the things I’ve done and/or said. My sponsor recommended that I be honest – not shirk from facing up to my behavior – but to also keep in mind that I was a sick person while in my active addiction. I did unkind, hurtful, and sometimes illegal things, but that was the sick me, not the sober me.

A few things that some people might get stuck on while creating their Step 8 list are: (1) Will this person even remember what I said/did, i.e., do I need to include them?, (2) How can I possibly make amends for x, y, or z?, (3) What if I can’t find this person?, (4) What if this person doesn’t accept my amends? Step 8 is just a list, and it’s best to be as thorough as possible. A sponsor or trusted confidante will help to answer any questions when it comes to Step 9 and actually making the amends

Step 8 can seem daunting; I don’t know that many people outside of AA go back over their lives and make a list of those they’ve hurt in some way. But as sober alcoholics we need to do this in order to continue and build on our spiritual program. And as with all the Steps, there are benefits to doing this Step: a better understanding of ourselves, empathy gained by looking at situations from another person’s point of view, and increased self-respect as the result of starting to take responsibility for the past by owning up to behavior while in active addiction and becoming willing to make amends for it.