Apr 28: Dealing with Resentments

Dealing with Resentments

from “As Bill Sees It” p. 39

“Resentment is the Number One offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have also been spiritually ill. When our spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.

In dealing with our resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions, or principles with whom we wer angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened.”

“The most heated bit of letter-writing can be a wonderful safety valve- providing the wastebasket is somewhere nearby.”

1. Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 64-65
2. Letter, 1949

I’m grateful to be here and grateful for all of you. I have been quiet and haven’t been posting for quite some time. This is good that I am chairing as it forces me to actively participate. I always read all of the posts and am grateful for each of them. To be honest, I have been very overwhelmed with reading all of the posts, because I also participate in another online AA women’s group besides GROW. Then I get down on myself, because I have trouble keeping up. Before I know it, I have another resentment brewing which leads me to the topic/reading that I chose.

I am feeling pretty angry at this time, because I have some resentments. Some of you may know that I relapsed again three weeks ago. At that time, I wasn’t going to many meetings, and I was having some resentments towards my work and some of the people that I work with.

I also had stopped working on my 4th Step. I completed my first 4th Step last summer with my previous sponsor. I have no problem doing another 4th Step inventory with my current sponsor. Since my relapse I’ve been going to more meetings – just about daily. I’m going to women’s only meetings, and I have changed my location of where I go to meetings. I have to drive over 30 minutes to get there, but I feel that it is well worth it. There was a lot of rain and flooding which resulted in road closures. As a result, I couldn’t get to my meetings – there was absolutely no way of getting there.

Instead of going to other meetings somewhere else, I chose not to go. Not a good idea. I missed a few days of meetings but doubled up on some of the other days. I’m now back to going to my regular meetings – the roads are now open! Well you can imagine that I was resentful about the roads being closed.

Today I have a resentment towards my husband. You see, he called me to see where I was – he just got home, and I was doing an errand. I answered it while driving, and I got pulled over by the police. The town I live in has a hands-free cell phone law while driving. I got a ticket (my first in many years) and have to pay $120! Not only do I have some resentments, but I am also upset with myself!

I feel very overwhelmed and anxious at times and have such a hard time prioritizing and getting things done. There are so many things that I want to do: lose weight, start exercising, dog training for my three beagles, put away Christmas decorations, work on my 4th Step, read the Big Book, go to meetings, etc, etc! I know that my sobriety has to be Number 1 – I do know that, and I do want that!! I am so sorry ladies to be all over the map and rambling! I have such a hard time putting my thoughts in writing!

How do you deal with resentments? How do you prioritize and get things done? I feel like I still have this spiritual malady that I just can’t seem to overcome. How have you overcome the spiritual malady? I look forward to reading your shares! Thank you so much for reading all of this! I am very grateful to be of service!