December 18: Settling Into Peace

Topic for the week: Settling into peace

I recently celebrated 3 years of sobriety, and it feels so sweet.

In my drinking years, I thrived in chaos. Anytime there could’ve been peace, I actively sought out problems, stress, anything to keep my adrenaline up and have a ‘reason’ to keep drinking. I loved being the victim. Life was never fair and I was always happy to tell you about it.

In sobriety, I have hated and enjoyed the process of cleaning up my past. Just recently, I did  a couple of big amends, and I’m settling into the calm that follows cleaning my side of the street.

The last few years have been a struggle financially, but I’ve been putting in the work to stand on my feet again. That part of my life is coming together. So now, I’ve suddenly found myself in a place of peace. It feels weird, but for the first time in my life I don’t want to fight it. I know that everything passes and there will be new/different stressors that come and go, but I am enjoying this sense of calm while it lasts.

I’m still uncomfortable with having down time sometimes. My brain has been conditioned to always be productive. I’m making a point to move slower through my day, take time to read, and spend time with people. It feels odd and I still have so much to learn about living this way. The steps, my sponsor, and my sober sisters have truly guided me through many growing pains. I am definitely not the same person I was when I came into this meeting in 2019.

Thank you for being here,

Sarah M.

Dec 1, 2019