“Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals – usually brief – were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.”
At this time of the year the temptations to drink are about more than normal, everyone is doing it at all social occasions. I have to remember I am not like normal drinkers who can drink socially, we have an incurable disease that is only arrested when we abstain completely from all alcohol.
My first sober Christmas was tough with my parents, they simple refused to accept I was an alcoholic and that I chose never to touch alcohol again, not even “non-alcoholic” drinks. They did not think .05% would hurt me. I tried to explain the concept of craving, and they refused to accept it. Why couldn’t I have just one, I had had just one the last time I drank with them? I can’t explain how I managed that either, but I just wanted one to take the edge off and realized they weren’t drinking and I couldn’t have more either or I’d get drunk and I was driving and I didn’t want to go down that road.
New Year’s was easier, I spent it with my friends in AA, there was a party at the club and dancing all with sober people. Yes, it was strange to toast in the New Year without alcohol but everyone there was doing it.
What I was learning in those days was that alcohol was not an option for me no matter what. If I wanted a drink I went to a meeting, called my sponsor and other alcoholics until the urge passed.
How are you holding up during the holidays and what are your plans for the New Year celebration?
Thank you for letting me share, the meeting is now open and I look forward to hearing from each of you.
Stay safe