Bondage of Self
The Buddha said that Self is the cause of all suffering. Krishna said that the Self is our worst enemy and our best friend. A dear AA friend said, “I may not be much, but I’m all I ever think about.” I think all of those quotes apply to me.
I believed this for many years, but I couldn’t seem to do anything about it until I finally put down the bottle, worked the 12 steps, and made recovery my top priority. Doing the steps helped me see that the more I focused on *me,* my needs and desires, my pain and disappointments, and my image, the less happy I was. AA and the steps taught me that the more I stay out of Self, the less unhappy I am.
I think “I may not be much, but I’m all I ever think about” could be the best self-description. Even today, it’s true. But today, I know that devoting mySelf to serving my HP and serving him through others is the only way to stop thinking about me.
AA has taught me that what others think of me is none of my business. It’s taught me that what *I* think of me is none of my business. Focusing on me, for me, inevitably means focusing on my disappointments in life, my shortcomings, what I want that I lack, and how life has generally let me down. It is always about Self-esteem. It always ends there.
AA teaches me that the only thing that is important is that I do the right thing one day at a time. Focusing on others leads me to recognize how fortunate I am, the positive contributions I make, what I have rather than what I lack, how beautiful my HP is, and how I am loved. Focusing on the needs of others keeps me sober.
Now, to be honest, I am not very successful at moving the spotlight of my mind away from Self and onto Others. It is hard work, and it takes a lot of practice. But the rewards motivate me to keep trying. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Practice, not perfection.
Please share with us this week about what “bondage of self” means to you and your sobriety.