The Fourth Dimension
“We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.” -There Is a Solution, Alcoholics Anonymous
I love this sentence in the Big Book, and I was hoping some of you amazing ladies would share on what it means to you. Have you been rocketed to the fourth dimension? Have you found much of heaven in sobriety? Is it different than what you imagined?
I’m Julie M., and I am definitely an alcoholic. I’m grateful to be chairing this meeting. When I first heard this sentence read, I was in rehab, and I couldn’t even understand what the Big Book was talking about. The only way I had ever been rocketed anywhere was through addiction, and I didn’t believe that sobriety could bring me health, let alone heaven.
If only I had known how wrong I was! But at 19 years old, during my first attempt at sobering up, I had no idea about anything. For some reason, that sentence stuck with me, though. I’ve heard it time and time again, sometimes when spiritually fit, sometimes when not, always with a sense of hope attached to it.
When I came into AA after my last relapse, I was Empty: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically empty. I had nothing left, no excuses and no friends. I was 23 years old and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I had lost myself so completely that I had to rebuild my life step by step, moment by moment. I had to learn how to live, from basic things like what to eat, to big emotional issues like who to date and when to end a relationship. Before getting sober, the only way I knew how to end a relationship was to cheat on someone, then get drunk and tell them about it.
Part of the fourth dimension of existence that I inhabit today is my relationship with my husband. On Monday, June 30, we will be married 2 years, and I requested to chair this meeting because it was close to my anniversary and my marriage, to me, is a beautiful reminder of how much I’ve grown in this program.
When I met my husband, I had just under three years of sobriety. I feel like I’ve grown up with him, because in a way I have. My life today is not fabulous or perfect all the time, but it’s honest and true and real. I have a family all my own. I have a job that I love more than anything in the world. I have friends, and I am a friend.
This is my heaven – it’s right-sized for me, and in it I stay humble. I have found myself over the past seven years of my sobriety. Some of what I have found is not pretty, and some of it is just surprising! But it’s all based on truth that I discovered through the Steps and my HP.
This fourth dimension I’ve been rocketed into is nothing like what I imagined. When I got sober, I dreamed of a big, fancy life with a big, fancy job. In sobriety, I discovered that what I needed wasn’t big or fancy. What I need is to live this program to the best of my ability, and sometimes that means donating my last dollar. Sometimes that means admitting I’m wrong.
Most days, my program is a simple matter of HOW: honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. I hope this topic resonates with some of you, and that you all have a lovely 24 hours ahead! Thanks for letting me share.