My sobriety has been filled with god-shots, sometimes tiny, sometimes huge, but always significant to my wellbeing or my understanding.
This week I had a phone call – an actual live phone call – from a fellow, an AA woman I had met once at an AA meditation workshop. I met her that one time 6 months ago. Neither of us had made contact in the meantime. But we’d sat next to each other and had chatted in the breaks. And then swapped numbers. That’s a tool that has stood me in good stead; swapping numbers.
This lady called because she had a newcomer she was helping, someone who lives in my area. She was practicing her 12th step.
But we had a chat beyond that and through the conversation I was inspired to revisit some of the ideas from the meditation workshop and also to trust in the process of going through the steps again with my sponsor. I’d been faltering a little on this so I was grateful for the boost and the reminders of how this would give me new awakenings and help me. Because of this conversation I went along to my in-person AA group, the small local women’s AA group I’ve been going to since it started back in June last year, in a different (ie better!) frame of mind.
That phone call, that connection, changed my thinking. It was a total god-shot. I went to the meeting with a much clearer head, more grounded in being in the moment and that gave me space to reflect on the meeting.
We have a very small number of ladies with multiple years of sobriety (usually 3 or 4 of us) and lots of new new ladies beginning their sobriety journey or seeing if AA can help them when they can’t stop by themselves.
So on the way, I knew my HP had given me that gift of that phone call and that conversation, that connection, so that I could be of maximum use and effectiveness to the still suffering alcoholics I was about to spend an hour with.
We’re a Big Book meeting, no main share. The reading that was coming to my mind was “On awakening” from the Big Book p.86-88. One to help the newcomer just beginning to get an idea of our AA 24 hour plan for living. And that turned out to another god-shot, and another example of what happens when I give back in AA, I get so much more in return.
Re-reading those paragraphs reminded me of how I used to practice “thy will be done” multiple times through my day. It reminded me of all the little prayers I used to send up regularly through my day.
Every time the reading says “ask” it’s reminding to pray, to ask my Higher Power.
“Thy will be done” was such a powerful tool. I remember my first sponsor telling me about it, describing how she used it and encouraging and reminding me to use it and practice practice practice it.
How could I have forgotten about it? Well, that’s my alcoholic brain, cutting me off from the solution, wanting me to sit in self-pity and fear and poor me edges me towards pour me…
So, what a gift to have had that phone call, to have been cleared (god does for me what I can’t do for myself) and then to be of use to others. The reading “On awakening” gives me clear directions on how to live my 24 hours. And when I follow even a few of those directions I get so much! And when I practice it regularly, wow! These promises (below in italics) are really an active and live part of my day and my life.
“As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done”. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
It works – it really does.”
I felt such joy in the meeting to have been the channel for the beautiful message on these pages to be passed on. And I wouldn’t have been that channel if I’d still been closed off and in my feelings of worry and hurt. But sometimes I need the loving hand (or voice!) of AA to be there for me. I need “god with skin on” as they say in the Kiwi meetings in NZ. I need those god-shots, when god does for me what I can’t do for myself.
I’m not going to copy and paste the whole reading here but please read it and share your ESH on how the practices suggested in it help you. “You can read it online here (p.86-88)”
Or if this Big Book reading really isn’t a good one for you, how about sharing a page or a paragraph that really helps you?