It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. . . . But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66
The topic of resentments being a block to progress has surfaced in many meetings that I have attended in the last couple of weeks. Prior to recovery and even throughout my journey of recovery I have taken the view and still fall into the pattern that I was/am entitled to my resentments. For example, I had and still have resentments towards my parents, and others who have caused me pain especially the persons who sexually abused me as a child. What I could not see is that my pain of the past trauma, pain that I created at work, or in personal situations because I would give the person the silent treatment was connected to my wall of protection. And who was this really hurting them-I think not
Where am I today, well I have been able to let go of resentments better today because I have learned and continue to be reminded of the difference between being angry or hurt vs holding onto the resentment and beating myself up. I need to hear my little girl and acknowledge how and what she is feeling. Then I must ask if my reaction, feelings and views of the situation are accurate and I do not do this by myself, this is where others in the program/rooms of AA, and a connection with my HP helps me see what the truth is. Once I can see and talk about the situation as it really is then I can work to let it go and give it to the universe/HP. Sometimes it is quick and other times it is slow, and I choose to pick it back up and let it go again until I hit that wall that is not working for me and really let go. By letting go of resentments I can and have experienced progress, growth, and a deeper connection with my HP.
Thank you for letting me lead this week’s meeting and I invite you to share about the daily share for May 15 or whatever is on your heart.
Take Care with hugs