Here is what I want to discuss with you today, from the BB p. 355 “The obsession of the mind was a little harder to understand, and yet everyone has obsessions of various kinds. The alcoholics has them to an exaggerated degree. Over a period of time he has built up self-pity, resentments toward anyone or anything that interferes with his drinking. Dishonest thinking, prejudice, ego, antagonism toward anyone and everyone who dares to cross him, vanity and a critical attitude are character defects that gradually creep in and become a part of his life. Living with fear and tension inevitably results in want to ease that tension, which alcohol seems to do temporarily. It took me some time to realize that the Twelve Steps of A.A. were designed to help correct these defects of character and so help to remove the obsession to drink. The Twelve Steps, which to me are a spiritual way of living, soon meant honest thinking not wishful thinking., open-mindedness, a willingness to try, and a faith to accept. They meant patience, tolerance and humility, and above all the belief that a Power greater than myself could help. That Power I chose to call God.” From the chapter It Might Have Been Worse.
When I came into AA, I was a hot mess of anger, resentment and victimhood. It wasn’t my fault, if only you would do whatever my life would be wonderful. I never understood that the only power I had was to change myself, nobody else. I was forever blaming someone or something else for all my woes, I never took responsibility for myself or my action as part of the problem.
It wasn’t until I found AA that I began to see I had a part in all those situations, if only I hadn’t played into that scenario and aggravated the situation maybe things would have been different. Coming to understand that was part of my 4th and 5th step, it was not easy for me to realize but over the years it has become more apparent, and I don’t fall into those old holes as often anymore.
When I accept people exactly as they are, and situations too, my life becomes easier and I can rationally look at a situation and deal with it appropriately. This comes from working all 12 steps in order with a sponsor and trying to practice the principles in all my affairs.
It did not come overnight, it took work and failures and successes and patience and tolerance and acceptance but if you keep working at it, these things will come to pass it your life too.
How do you handle your sobriety today?