Oct 11: Forgiveness


As I mentioned, yesterday was my year anniversary. I haven’t touched alcohol for 365 days, one day at a time. That is pretty amazing to me. I have been at this milestone before, about 6 years ago after being in a 15 month, faith based-inpatient treatment. After graduating that program, I was able to stay sober for another year. I white knuckled it the whole time. I wanted to drink, and struggled with the temptation everyday still. I relapsed, and it just got worse. I still wanted so badly to be sober, but just couldn’t deal with life on life’s terms.

I was a chronic relapser. I could stay sober for months and then something would happen, mostly a circumstance out of my control, and I would just lose it. I finally went back to treatment on October 14, 2014 to a different place that only focused on AA. This time, was completely different. It was technically my 5th time in treatment (I went to a 30 day one three times previous to the 15 month one). But this time, I had a revelation. After doing my 3rd step prayer with a staff member, I felt it. Free. Free of control and having to carry the load of everything. I didn’t HAVE to control things anymore!!!! It was the most exhilarating experience I have ever felt.

Since then, I battle the control demon every day still, but I am able to do it in a much more controlled manner. I have realized that circumstances of life are all about how we react to them. They don’t have to make or break someone. They certainly don’t control my sobriety. My higher power, who I call God, helps me figure out what to do, and I just do what is right in front of me, for that day.

I have had a hard year of circumstances, but I am thankful for them. I learned a lot through the good and the bad. However I had something happen yesterday that rocked my world a little. I had a friend from treatment who accused me of lying about my sobriety on my Facebook page. I was just shocked and so deeply hurt. She has not had a year of sobriety, and I know it is all from jealousy. But it really hurt. I was very angry, and fantasies of numbing and drinking the pain went through my head. How insane is that??? I quickly realized that I was letting it really get to me, and I have now started praying for her – even if it isn’t the easiest thing to do.

SO that is my topic. How do you deal with people/circumstances that really upset/anger you??? I am really looking forward to your shares, as I know I will learn something from each one.