October 24: Imposter Syndrome

Topic for the week:

When I drank, life was a blur for me because I didn’t care to stop for any thought or effort that precluded me planning to drink, drinking, or recovering from drinking. I used to have to catch up on life after each drunken diversion to hide the real me. I was always in a hurry to hide the evidence of my real life. You too? I had a hair appointment yesterday & while my stylist was shampooing me, massaging my scalp slowly, I caught myself thinking, “sheesh, come on, girl, let’s get a move on! I’ve got places to go, things to do, people to see, a life story to fake!” Then I realized that, right there, I was right where I was supposed to be, there was nothing that had to happen that couldn’t be done a bit later, & the person I was with is a friend whose company I can enjoy. The !ta-da! came as I realized that it was ok for me to relax into that moment, to savor how pleasant it was, & it was ok for me to be content, happy, relaxed. Sobriety means that I can live life on life’s terms, & sometimes, actually quite often, life is sweet. Sobriety is the end of my “imposter syndrome.” I suppose I think I don’t deserve to relax, that if I’m content or happy in sobriety, I must be doing something wrong. Do you struggle with this too? If not, what’s your secret?!

Please share on this, or on anything that’s on your mind right now. Thank you for the opportunity to share. Gratefully,

Julie Kapala <3