Dealing with Difficult Situations
Hi everyone. I am a bit nervous writing because I am coming up on a year next week without a drink and with a sponsor – – both being a very special blessing. What makes me nervous is I am thinking “how do I sound like someone who almost has a year??” Crazy right?! Because what you are reading is what someone, like me, who almost has a year sounds like. I have been sober before and I have been in relapse before…..and I have been a dry drunk before. The first time I really got sober was special. I had a sponsor at that time too. My life was very different. I was younger, healthier, and with only myself to be responsible for. Ghetto girl went to college and opportunities were limit-less. Although I have been in and out since that time I have never lost site of what could be for me. This time around is very different. My life situation is very different. My goals are different. I have a wonderful partner and a beautiful daughter. I am different.
So…I have been struggling with some medications issues lately. Not the usual what is safe to take/what is not safe to take stuff. I am starting new medications for my Hep C and they have to be authorized and sent through the insurance’s specialty pharmacy and after spending several weeks just getting things straight between my PCP and my liver doctor – – I now find myself spending time repeating the same info to the pharmacy, my doctor’s office and my medical insurance re: my policy information. (now I am worried this might be too long – – -) So trying to be brief I have had difficulty not only getting my doctor to agree to the medication (because of other medical issues), but then getting it authorized through my insurer and delivered to my door.
More of the story goes like this…I was also on two of these meds in the past and they did not work – now there is a new third med added to it and there seems to be a better response – – I have been on the first two meds for several trials so I know what to expect re: side effects. Also, I have a fear deep down “what if this doesn’t work??” So as you can imagine my head has been crazy at times. So when talking with my sponsor she said to share about what got me through all this; and my answer to her was that this is not my whole life. I know it would have been cooler to say the steps, the meetings, the support of the women in this program…but really, that is what I am saying because without you guys I would be drinking — this would be the perfect justification for that first (second, third, fourth…) drink. Instead I have been able to continue to work, be a mom, a partner, have fun and even start some trouble at times.
And, again, most importantly to not drink or drug. So this is a biggie for me. Being powerless in so many ways and just continuing to put one foot in front of the other and focusing on and in the moment. I have a sponsor that allows me to whine at times — which sometimes I need to do – -but my whining passes. I used to wonder why God would put me in a position to be sober and then not allow the medications to work to allow me to enjoy my sober life. Well, I think it has something to do with God allowing me to see that my sober life, which includes the Hep C, is worth something and that He will push me through when I am afraid.
So what I would like to read about is how other people have dealt with difficult situations in recovery (maybe some can share on health issues/acceptance), and how have these “situations” impacted their relationship with their Higher Power. Or just share about anything that is on your mind…This is your meeting.
Thanks for this opportunity to chair the meeting and welcome to all the new members.