Enough – Things My Sponsor Taught Me
I hope you didn’t click on this share thinking I might tell you how much recovery is enough. Maybe my 36 years in the Program fooled you. There is never enough recovery. And I never want to leave before the miracle. Seen many–but which one is it? Anniversaries make me reminisce. I’m going to focus on enough. There are 2 enough’s: I have had enough. OR I don’t have enough. AA is a simple program for complicated people. ‘I’ve had it!’ Enough! I came to AA when my life was unmanageable. Alcohol was destroying me. One drink was not enough. It was the first drink that got me drunk. I was in deep pain: emotional, physical, and spiritual. But when is enough for me? How long can I keep this up? Willpower isn’t enough. I can’t do this alone. I need AA, a Higher Power and you.
Enough already! I say to my sponsor. I am a grownup. You don’t have to tell me what to do. But development stops when we pick up a drink, she says. For most of us, that isn’t enough growing up. Sigh. Enough of this. I can’t write any more on my 4th step. I’m calling you enough. I already go to enough meetings. Not enough, my sponsor echoes. I’m not sober enough to share with all those oldtimers! Don’t judge your insides by another’s outsides, says my sponsor. My HP doesn’t answer my prayers quickly enough! Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Time takes time. So what is enough in recovery? One of my favorites lists of enough is the Promises. (However, expect life on life’s terms: freckles, dysfunctional family members, toothaches, bills, etc. Not the worst things compared to the Promises.)
The real enough’s of AA include the obsession to drink being lifted. A connection to a Higher Power. Living one day at a time. Never being alone again. Beloved relationships. Mending bridges to those I’ve harmed. Being comfortable with my place in life. You loving me enough until I love myself. Helping others. Serenity. Sanity. Joy. Love. GROW! My past no longer haunts me. Spirituality. You know how it is. My Higher Power allowed me to drink just enough not to kill myself. And now, I really do have enough. The list goes on. We all have our personal lists that are the enough’s for us. But there’s not enough space here. Too many ‘enough’s’ to list in sobriety. You are enough. Make your own list. Savor your life of abundance.