Topic for the week: Self confidence before and after sobriety
When I was using I had no self confidence at all, not one speck unless I was loaded. Everyday was a merry-go-round of what-ifs and how things were always my fault. I was always trying to fix things, trying for other outcomes. I was absolutely paralyzed with devastation if someone didn’t like me or blamed me for something. The self recrimination and self abuse was round the clock if I was not drinking. Alcohol has me so beat down I did not feel I deserved better, I was a worthless excuse for a person. Everyone was going to see what a fake I truly was. So pour on more alcohol to numb that feeling which always came back even stronger when I sobered up.
I do not feel that way today. Working the steps in sobriety, I have slowly gained self respect leading to self confidence and self love. Each worked step not only put the thought of a drink farther and farther away, it also brought about a spiritual and mental change. The many gifts of this program permeate into every aspect of my life, attitude and personality. I no longer grovel and beg you to love me. I do the right things which lead me to be proud of myself. I don’t need others and alcohol to validate me today, I am whole. I have self confidence in my life now. If I don’t have the answer to a problem I can go to my HP or others in the program for direction and advice. Even after that, if something does not go well, I know that day is still a success because I did not drink and stayed close to my program.
I celebrate an anniversary soon and upon reflection I realize that more miracles come to me each day.
Please share about your journey to healthy self confidence in the program or anything else you need to talk about today. Thanks for letting me lead.