Half Measures Avail Us Nothing
My name is Tanya and I am an alcoholic. I was going to share on something else however after reading through the How it Works…I gravitated to this very simple yet powerful words. “Half measures avail us nothing.”
I came into AA in December of 1998…and I struggled for many years. It wasn’t until I came back to A.A. that I truly stood at that turning point and it wasn’t pretty how I asked for the protection of this higher power I could not see. It was painful to let go with complete abandonment.
When I think back at that time a tear comes to my eye…very painful time. I found GROW around this time too.
This program…its steps, traditions and promises truly are miraculous…when you let go, that is.
Where am I going with this? Funny … half the time I do not know where my shares lead me only that when I do share my experience, my strength and my hope (no matter how little that hope may be at that time)…it leads me to an awareness that gives me to acceptance of that person, place or thing I face which in-turn leads me to action.
Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Powerful words.
There was a time where my life was really dark, very dark. Everyday felt like acid running through my veins and trying to work, hell just trying to live was like climbing Mount Everest. The fear was paralyzing and it took every ounce of my body to just show up. My Stephen King mind would make the shadows an Eager Allen novel. I hated life and I hated me. However,…
I kept coming back.
And when I loss all (including my own mind)…I had no where to turn…I stood at a turning point in my life. I worked hard my AA and Al-anon programs and then there came a moment where I realized the struggle I had in the beginning was truly self-induced.
I was not able to be honest with myself and I truly did try to find the “short-cuts”, you know that easier softer way and stay married in a very unhealthy relationship. I stayed sober those many years but it was the hell-hole of dry drunkenness, feeling every painful twisted feeling I could conjure up. It was a bottom beyond the bottom that secured my membership to these rooms.
Step-work, service-work, sponsorship, and my sober community held me up until I could rise from the fog.
Sobriety is not easy, no one ever said it would be. Half measures had to go. I threw myself in with two feet. Utter abandonment to program that seemed so simple yet so freaking hard. I followed the path not knowing where I was going…only that I was doing the next right step for me at that moment.
Where am I today, I am married to an amazing spouse that truly has lifted me out of my past and given me a chance to see what love is truly about.
And I am to having to face the ugly part of our addiction and relive a painful past in the manipulation of young tenant that truly threatens the serenity of my core and that of my daughter’s. Both my daughter and I are facing our daemons.
A path we both must take. Please pray for us as we all know that only the person in the addiction has to be the one that wants to stop, not the parents or anyone else. Interesting as I write this I am seeing an awareness that I did not see before which is a gift. Thank you for that.
So my dear sisters of GROW. Please share your own experience, strength and hope on that realization when you saw how “half measures” really did not work? And as always do share what you need to share.
Thank you for the gift of you.
With grateful heart, Tanya C