Category Archives: 2024 Meeting Topics

I love that this program does not require all of its members to believe in the same God. I don’t think I would have stuck around long if that was the case. My parents took us to church every Sunday. I was part of the choir for many years. Yet, I never understood why the God I worshiped at church would allow me to endure the pain of sexual abuse at the hand of my father. As I got older, I got angrier. I started using alcohol to fit it and deal with my childhood issues. It solved all of my problems, until I woke up and realized that it didn’t. But I liked the temporary relief that alcohol gave me. As I got deeper into my addiction, my hatred towards that church God grew. By the time I got into AA, I wanted little to do with a church god.

In 2004, I started attending AA with my current husband and was exposed to the “God of my understanding ” phrase. I listened to others rely on their God. They prayed and talked to their God…or so they said in their shares. I was still struggling. Try as I might, I still did not think a God could help me. I know today that is because I had a skewed understanding of God. I thought that if I believed in a God, bad stuff would never happen to me. I’d be loved, content and happy. Well, you can only imagine my hurt and anger when that did not work out.

In 2016, I started attending AA for me. My life was unmanageable even without the alcohol and I had no God to help me. At first I used the women of AA as my God. But, they are human and they let me down. I still thought if I had a God, I’d be safe from hurt. But I kept coming back to AA, because you had what I wanted. Finally, after several years of my sponsor watching me throw my God in the trash whenever life got lifey, she asked me to define my God. I thought, how do I do that? I have no idea what my god looks like. But I thought about it over a few weeks, and I was slowly able to picture my God. A warm blanket wrapped around me when I am cold. Ice cream on a hot day. The parent I always wanted to cheer me on no matter how poorly I acted or reacted. The sun on my face. The kisses from my dog as she gives me love. Hugs from all the ladies at my f2f meeting. I started to see the God of my understanding in my life every day, and in the end, I settled on my God as the positive energy and love of the world. My God is everywhere and always loves me – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Today, I have my God and we talk daily. I still get angry, but I also learned through this process that hurt is part of life. My God cannot take that away from me. So when I get angry, I use the warm blanket of my God and embrace the love while still being angry.

So grateful that I have this program which allows me to choose my God and not require it to be the same for everyone.

I would love to hear how you came to find your God of your understanding or if you have not found God yet, what you are using in the meantime to help you with life.

Topic for the week: Step 10

At the end of the 9th Step, the Big Book introduces us to Step 10. On page 84, it introduces the step: “This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along … We have entered the world of the Spirit … This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.”

Steps 10, 11, and 12 are steps we continue to do daily as long as we are sober, hopefully for the rest of our lives. In Step 10, self-searching becomes a habit. The first nine steps have led us to this continuous practice: to be mindful of our attitudes and behavior and to set things right when amends are needed. Willingness to keep looking within is very important here.

Some people do Step 10 regularly at the end of each day, doing a mini-4th Step before turning in for the night. The more we practice, our self-awareness grows. For me, I’ve gotten to the point where my gut tells me when I’ve crossed a line that hurt someone and that amends are necessary. That ‘gut warning’ comes when I am anxious, fearful, angry, self-righteous, or resentful. As soon as I notice that knot in my stomach, I either make direct amends (I apologize) or I make a plan for making my amends. Either way, I try hard to go to bed with a clean slate. If that’s not possible, amends are high on my list of priorities the next day.

In the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions on Step 10, Bill W says: “Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?” (12×12, page 88)

I’m not sure I know what “living to good purpose” means, but I do know that when I can apply these principles in all my affairs on a daily basis, I can usually pass that acid test. Keeping in emotional balance is the main goal for me, so sometimes I owe amends to myself. Negative self-talk, perfectionism, and over-blown idealism can hurt me and threaten my sobriety. Amends to myself means challenging those negative thoughts and treating myself with the kindness I try to show to others.

As always, I’m not perfect. What I’ve written here represents my spiritual ambition, not my constant reality. And that’s the beauty of this program. As long as I keep working toward both worldly and spiritual growth, I’m heading in the right direction.

Please share with us your Step 10 practices, how you do on that acid test, or anything else you need to share.

Topic for the week: “Let it Be”

I want to begin by thanking all of you for reaching out to me with messages of love and care this month. Every one of your thoughts helped me in healing my broken heart after my sister passed on Sept 6.  As members of AA, we support each other in good times by celebrating our daily recovery. When there is a crisis, we are here for each other. What a blessing we are for each other!  Thank you GROW sisters.

I travelled from Nicaragua to Oregon as quickly as I could to be with her and made it in time before she passed on. God allowed me five hours and the opportunity to hold her hand and listen to a favorite song “Let it Be” by the Beatles as she took her last breath. My sister’s body no longer exists on this earth. I don’t know where her spirit is. But that is OK! I can “let it be!”

Today, because I only have today, I am free from fear and doubt and selfish thinking. I don’t need to worry about my sister, obsess about her or even try to understand death. I can “let it be!” Because I have a spiritual connection with God, a sponsor for guidance in using the plan for living offered freely in the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions and a community of women who understand my pain, I am sober and feel peace even during this very sad time.

Before I came to AA, I would have used alcohol to numb my feelings, pretend I was OK and hide my fears. My doubts about the existence of a loving God would block me from any spiritual growth or maturity. I would have been angry at the God I knew then for taking my sister. I would have tried to blame doctors, situations, family, anybody for her death. I would not know how to accept life on God’s terms. I would use her death as an excuse to drink and not face reality. I would not have a clue about how to “let it be.”

Thank God I have been transformed into a new person. The promises from every step have come true for me because as the BB states I have been “painstaking” and have worked for them. I am amazed and grateful that my HP/God has given me the grace to be here to love and serve others. I accept reality and put my life, my sister’s life, my family, friends and your life in the hands of God. Today, I can “let it be!”

Your recent shares on the promises for a new freedom and a new happiness as well as maturing in sobriety and gratitude have inspired me to continue the path toward becoming the woman God made me to be.  How do you “let it be”? How do you accept or deal with a crisis such as death or any other situation that breaks your heart? Of course you may also share anything in your heart. Thank you for allowing me to lead this week. Looking forward to reading how you “let it be”.

Topic: Maturing in Sobriety & Gratitude

I was told that I stopped maturing when I started to drink. It took real work to get a hold of sobriety and within that, gratitude. AA has matured me in a way I never imagined. It turned this newcomer (a real brat) into a maturing, sober woman living with gratitude. A new me.

The word gratitude always seemed to be a grown-up word. It wasn’t in my vocabulary. Sometimes I’d be told to have gratitude, like an order. You should be grateful for…! Of course that only made me resentful, especially when I was drinking. Gratitude had a place, I thought. It seemed to belong at the Thanksgiving table once a year.

Gratitude is a verbalization of a feeling or thought. Even pre-verbal little ones are grateful and don’t need words. Somehow to me, it felt like it had an obligation to it. If I am grateful, must I reciprocate? I am ‘beholding’ to someone. Just as Steps 8/9 are not satisfied with ‘sorry I hurt you folks’ gratitude is not satisfied with ‘thanks God.’

I didn’t learn gratitude. It wasn’t on the list of feelings like mad, sad, or glad. Early gratitude for me was spontaneous and innocent. It was childlike and beautiful. And then it shifted. As soon as I became self-centered, entitled, and carried grievances, there wasn’t room for gratitude. It didn’t even occur to me.

AA emphasizes gratitude and gratitude lists early. It is amusing that such lists stymy the best of us. Yet sponsors insist. I wasn’t getting it. I dismissed it until I couldn’t. I imagined my list would fill up if I could write in large letters. It didn’t. Sponsors are on to things like that. Gratitude is an essential component of sobriety.

I started small, really small. I couldn’t think of anything. I began to understand that gratitude requires mindfulness and humility. Spirituality enhances it. Sobriety makes it swell. It made me work for it. Gratitude for being sober is a start!
The subway was on time, or ‘he’ called me, was taking a backseat to the many miracles in my life.

As I have grown and matured in sobriety, my gratitude has become a joyous, meaningful state of mind with no need to make lists. There isn’t enough paper that could hold it all anyway. The object of my gratitude these days? My Higher Power. Paradoxically it includes what I have and what didn’t happen to me.

And on this anniversary of 41 sober years, I have gratitude for you, my Program, my God. It was so easy once I got the hang of it. Slowly and quickly of course. Oh, and turning 81 this month is also on the list!

A New Freedom and a New Happiness

I love the Promises because they help to remind me why I work the AA program and make a daily decision to not drink or do any mind- or mood-altering substances. Even after many 24 hours in AA, they still give me hope, they still lift me up when I’m feeling uneasy or sad, and they still illustrate to me the amazing amount of love and compassion that is inherent in the AA program.

I can’t say with any certainty why this statement is at the beginning of the Promises, but in my opinion it’s there because, having given up alcohol for this 24 hours, we need to know we can live another way, i.e., sober, and actually be happy living that way. Freedom and happiness – wow! I didn’t really know either when I was drinking and using drugs. I thought I knew what those things were, but in fact freedom meant only being able to do what I want, and happiness, always only fleeting, was usually only found in a bottle, drug, or person.

In sobriety, my new freedom is the freedom of choice regarding what I’ll do or not do, how I’ll act or react, what I’ll do with my time and money, how I’ll think about a situation, and so much more. These are freedoms I didn’t know I had before, or just didn’t know how to utilize in order to improve my life.

My new happiness is a happiness that’s always with me because it’s part of me now, not something exterior that can come and go, be given or taken away. This isn’t to say I’m always happy – I’m not. I still get angry, annoyed, resentful, and/or sad, but the difference is that now (1) I have constructive ways to process these feelings, and (2) I can always find something that makes me happy, often very simple things. These days, silly cat videos are a good source, but even just hearing a child laughing, or seeing a butterfly flying past me, or remembering a great time I had with family or friends is enough to remind me that happiness is a constant and I can tap into it whenever I need to.

Please share on what you see as your new freedom and new happiness in sobriety, or anything else that’s important to you in your sobriety today. Thanks for letting me share.

“We have shown how we got out from under. You say, “Yes, I’m willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?”

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

“How is that to come about?” you ask. “Where am I to find these people?”

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous.Pg 152 BB- A Vision For You

My Share…..

Hilarious that he says: “But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum like righteous people I see? LOL!!! The word righteous means: (of a person or conduct) morally right or justifiable; virtuous. I’m assuming he is referring to religious or basic normal people of the time, as I would have easily agreed with that assessment.

We as alcoholic types tend to lean more toward excitement and stimulating people who, through the lens of alcohol, seem a lot smarter and funnier than we actually are. I think I was more attracted to the familiar dysfunction than their vast wisdom! At least when I was intoxicated I could pretend to have intellectual and stimulating conversations, that I didn’t, or couldn’t have sober. Alcohol gave me courage and words just flowed out uninhibited. Of course the next day I was embarrassed and humiliated-even if I didn’t necessarily have a bad night, just the cringe factor alone put a darkness over whatever profound words were spoken.

“Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.

Fact! You people are not boring, glum or stupid….and some of us are even righteous in our own right, but certainly not by our own making. I sponsor and have sponsored some of the most intellectual gems that have just gotten stuck in their dis-ease in one way or another. Seeking refuge from the same mind that gets me entangled in doing something over and over, expecting different results, is not an option for the real alcoholic.

I can’t think my way out of a mental dis-order. I can’t attend tons of church services, memorize scripture or positive affirmations and think that my spiritual malady is treated. I can’t workout for hours on end and eat right, and think that someday my physical body can safely consume and process alcohol without succumbing to the bodily allergy that manifests into a “craving”.

Alcoholics have a 3 fold illness Mind; Body and Spirit. All three sides must be treated to be restored to wholeness, or sanity. Side note: Making decisions when one, or all of those areas are untreated, will always render less than desired outcomes. Even if I get lucky a few times- nature, spirit and physics tell me I will have to experience the outcome of a bad decision reguagless. So the more sane I get the more better results. More better???

One of the major things missing in my life prior to AA and working with other alcoholics, was true fellowship or connection. My personal interpretation of connection and fellowship may differ from yours, in that I don’t have to hang out, talk or text all the time with people. Bill LOVED being around people-my husband’s NA sponsor loves people, can’t get enough.

I, on the other hand, am not like that. I love and connect with people from afar…lol! I’m in no way a hermit, but I very much enjoy solitude and that is ok. For a long time I struggled with this because I always heard “don’t isolate” which I found is way different from solitude. I NEVER feel empty, discontent or lonely. I know that feeling very well, which is the same feeling that drove all of my decisions and relationships prior to knowing my sufficient replacement-God.

In the beginning I did need the fellowship for different reasons than I need to fellowship now. Back then it was because I was in excruciating pain from having just broken up with alcohol that I did “need” the fellowship-kinda like using a rebound relationship for relief from the pain. The fellowship’s role now takes on new meaning as I am not dependent on it, or using it to fill me; rather, I see you all as an asset to my sobriety and growth, and I hopefully an asset to yours as we learn how to become a part of a greater whole.

That doesn’t mean any of us are perfect, just that we have a greater purpose that overrides petty and superficial disagreements. Essentially it’s how I suspect human relationships were organically designed to be. We may not see eye to eye or even like each other, but that doesn’t sway us from pulling together for the greater good of keeping it going for the next generation while honoring everyone’s right to exist. We are a group of individuals that are a part of, not separate from, with God as the author….the personalities can be anything they want…just as long as the common purpose remains unaltered.

I heard a speaker say: “If all the systems broke down, and all AA meetings were suspended, or I was alone on a desert island with endless amounts of alcohol, would I drink again? No. Of course not.” I wanted that sobriety!

No human power could get or keep me sober. God does that. What the fellowship was designed to do was to support the continued growth of our collective experience sober while helping others with our experience, not to be dependent or contingent on for overall sustainability sobriety. Some interpretations of our little program here are that WE get and keep you sober on the fellowship or on meetings alone-or that the sponsor is supposed to keep you sober with endless amounts of conversations with little to no real action.

We are a fog light, or a bridge, for the newcomer to God that will ultimately keep them sober while they work their Steps and support in their continued growth. I don’t gate keep my sponssees to just “stay afloat” or create a dependence on me. That is a misuse of our role. We offer our experience with the principles of the program provided they spiritually consented to the spiritual solution. I couldn’t even keep myself sober, let alone anyone else. I am not gonna sponsor someone who is unwilling to go to any lengths and then grow along with them in our principles, it just creates discourse and I refuse to do battle with their free will.

The long and short…Fellowship is great, relationships with people are wonderful, but I do not require them to make me feel safe or fill me up; which paradoxically makes the relationship better. God is God. Fellowship is fellowship. Service is service. It’s when I replace, misuse or confuse roles by using them for anything other than what they are actually intended for, leads to imbalances.

So-my sufficient replacement to ensure that I never become stupid or boring..lol..is by working all three sides of the triangle alongside the most non boring people ever!!
Share your experience with the above passage, fellowship, program, personalities, misconceptions coming in, expectations of AA or sponsors…whatever!

Share your experience with the above passage, fellowship, program, personalities, misconceptions coming in, expectations of AA or sponsors…whatever!

We are all invited to share on Step 9. The steps are our blueprint for living sober lives.

*** Step 9 ***
“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

I have yet to “officially” complete Step 9 with my sponsor; that being said, I have begun making the amends that my heart and my HP tell me I need to make – my sisters, my friends back in Florida, even my ex-husband (to a certain extent). They have not been the long, emotional amends that I need to give them and they deserve to hear.

How does someone that did what she thinks is almost irreparable damage say she’s sorry? Very thoughtfully and kindly, that’s how. The one person that I feel needs to hear my amends the most will have to wait until he’s older – my son is only 9. I write in a journal to him – the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. When I feel that the words he needs to hear can be understood in the way they need to be, I will bare my heart and soul to my beloved son.

This step is listed in Chapter 5, How it Works, from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous (affectionately known as the Big Book) (see p. 59). There’s much more in Chapter 6 (Into Action), starting in the middle of page 76. There’s even more about it in the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

*** Where to get the books, Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ***
You can find these books at many f2f AA meetings; you can order them online from many places. And they are available from the AA General Service office, to read online, in English, French, and Spanish. See www.aa.org.

Topic for the week:

Hello ladies, I hope you are all doing well and are having a good summer. Time seems to be moving so fast these days. Welcome to newcomers and congratulations to those who are celebrating a sobriety birthday this month.

The topic for this meeting is service. In the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous we learn that “Helping others is the foundation stone of recovery.” I can also learn that an occasional act of kindness or occasionally taking a service position or help at an event is not enough to progress in my recovery.

When I first came to AA, I could do just that. Show up at a meeting and listen to others. I literally shook and cried and was unable to utter words. The other members understood and simply said keep coming back. With time I was able to help with the set up or clean up of a meeting. With more time and healing and guidance I am able to take various service positions and to be honest being the current sectary for GROW has challenged me in many ways showing me areas to work on and showing me areas that are an asset.

Today I have learned and believe that there are many ways to be of service which in reshores AA will be here and thriving for those who are here now as well as tomorrows to come. I just need to keep doing my part which is to attend meetings, read, talk with others, do service positions for the groups I attend and not let my mind go to the place where I felt well others will do it so I don’t have to today.

Finally I was taught and it has stayed with me that I can not keep my recovery unless I give it away and for me this means having my hand out to help and how and when I am of service looks differently each time. I ask my HP to guide me and place me in situations where I can be of service.

What are your thoughts about service? How has it developed over time in your recovery?

If this topic is not resonating with you today then what is on your heart that you would like to share?

Thank you for attending this meeting

Mary O

Thanks to all of you and the program of AA, I celebrated eleven years of continuous sobriety on the 9TH of August. My intention for the coming year is to channel some of Bill Wilson’s audacity–and faith.

Our 12 Traditions lay out the process early AA’s went through to bring this program to light, warts and all. Today, I’m especially drawn to Tradition 4 (Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole), where Bill writes:

“We saw that the group, exactly like the individual, must eventually conform to whatever tested principles would guarantee survival. We had discovered that there was perfect safety in the process of trial and error.” (12×12, p. 146)

Bill didn’t wait until the program of AA was fully baked before he tried to implement it. He knew people were dying of alcoholism and trusted that the fellowship—and its tested principles—could solve problems on the fly.

In my own program, however, I’ve been playing it safe. Or, as a friend puts it, not trusting my future self.

In other words, I’m held by my higher power, accountability buddies, the Steps and Traditions. I have a plan for living and the ability to choose that active addiction denied me. But I’m not acting like it.

Just as I’ve learned to live without alcohol, I’ve created healthy boundaries with my family of origin, become a trustworthy person, and attained a measure of emotional balance. And l did it all through trial and error. None of it looked pretty, none of it came off without a hitch.

So what’s preventing me from taking up even more space, trying new things, going new places, letting myself play and get silly? Fear. Of looking stupid, getting hurt, being disappointed.

What have I forgotten? Rule #62: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously!” (12 x 12, p. 149)

In the spirit of “trial and error” and wearing life like a loose garment, how would you like to grow your recovery in the coming year? How are you taking yourself too seriously? What has trusting your Higher Power brought into your life that is better than anything you could have dreamed up?

As always, feel free to share what you need.

We are all invited to share on Step 8. The steps are our blueprint for living sober lives.

*** Step 8 ***
“Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”

This step is listed in Chapter 5, How it Works, from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous (affectionately known as the Big Book) (see p. 59). There’s more in Chapter 6 (Into Action), starting in the middle of page 76. There’s even more about it in the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
____________________

The first time I did step 8 I thought it would be a one time thing. As with much in AA I have found Step 8 to be an ongoing part of my journey rather than an event.

Soon after making amends from my initial list I realized I still had work to do. Now that I have a conscience and am devoted to sober living, I have to clean up my wrong thoughts and actions. The harm I do today is more subtle than in my drinking days but I am still totally capable of causing emotional, mental, and spiritual damage to others, in simple ways. Step 8, like all of the steps, has to be kept current. We not only need to clean up our past harms but we must continue to work Step 8 for our lifetime if we are serious about maintaining our sobriety.

The meeting is now open and I look forward reading all of your shares on Step 8 or on any other topic that you feel moved to share on.

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Meeting topic: What have I learned working Steps 8-9?

The work can be intense, yet, it is worth it when complete. The 9th step promises BB pg. 83-84 kept me sober for a long time, way before I could even understand a lot of what AA was about. I just wanted relief from the pain I was in, the secrets, the lies, the misery and the depression. I wanted to live even though I had a plan on how to die.

Here are some things I have learned by working Steps 8-9. I pray my HP will lead my thoughts in order to help others. My three big words for these steps are: OWNERSHIP, RESPONSIBILITY, GROWTH.

1. I am responsible for who I am today. It is nobody’s fault that I am an alcoholic and nobody makes me do anything today. I have a choice. The steps provide us an opportunity to grow up and be who I was created to be! Learning how to live in peace with ALL people is an adventure that never ends.

2. Steps 8 and 9 are tools…tools for CHANGE, I know that is one thing you want. We have a solution and a way to change. Judas, comitted suicide becaue he could not accept responsibility for his part. AA teaches us how. He did not have a way out. He did not have a plan for living. So he died.

3. I wrote this when I did my last Step 8 with my sponsor several months ago because I was struggling with making amends and forgiving people who hurt me.
“God, I am willing to go to any lengths to be FREE. I trust you will create situations where I can make the amends I need to make in order to become the person I was created to be. Remind me when I forget, they who hurt me are yours too! ”
If you have never written your own version, you might try it. It was spiritually invigorating for me!

4. Step 8 takes COURAGE! Focus on MYself, MY part, MY responsibility. Acknowledge that I have harmed myself and others. Period. It takes courage to forgive, first myself and then others.

A definition of “harm: “the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional or spiritual damage to people.” 12 and 12 pg. 80

Here are SOME of my behaviours that harmed others when I was drinking:
depression lies. infidelity. secrets
reckless with money. judgements
unreasonable expectations….expectations period
indifference. dependency. martyrdom
drama. procrastination. neglecting health issues
selfish attitudes. control. unkind behaviour
emotional manipulation. absence. excuses
blaming. gossip

Working Steps 4-7 are the miracle and the solution that explains how my HP removed these shortcomings of character so that I could become who I was made to be, stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety….all opposites of the above. Yeah! I love the human I am today living in sobriety, with tools to stay happy, joyous and free!

5. Feeling shame and remorse are signs of growing up, of facing the reality of the wreckage of our past! It is a cleaning out of those feelings! We become free from those feelings and replace them with love, kindness, compassion and empathy. Our present attitudes and behaviours are reflections of the work we have done. We accept the lessons from our past and go forward, not behaving as we used to behave. These are “living amends”.

6. Our illness, alcoholism, did not allow us to make any other choices at the time. Thus, we must forgive ourselves. Same for those who hurt us. We forgive them because they were also “sick” and had no other way of behaving, even though they hurt us.

7. We change our perception of who we are and of who others are/were. We surrender and accept what we cannot change. We did the best we could at the time, They (our parents, family, friends, strangers) did too, even if it was not good enough.

8. From the Bob and Polly audio tapes: “develop a vision of how a God like, loving servant would act and then, do it! Be kind and loving to people I resent, even if I don’t want to. Act as if.”

9. These steps take both effort and risk. We take responsibility for the wrongs we have done and let GOD handle those who harmed us. We avoid harming others and make amends only after asking God, as you understand God, to remove any and all fears, help and guide our words, spoken or written. We need to be honest, open-minded and willing! H.O.W,

10. Some names on our list we can make immediate amends. Some have to wait, others we do in letter writing, others we pray and wish them what we want for ourselves. ALWAYS, we make amends with dignity and tact. We are brief to give the reason why we make amends, honest, and sincere. “We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people, we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.” BB pg.83

11. We have NO expectations for a reply or response. We clean our side of the street and that is enough. That is what we are to do. We do not bring up what others did or didn’t do. If consequences come up, we accept them as part of our GROWTH and understanding of our purpose in life.

12. “In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.” BB pg. 69 We treat all our problems with this petition to our HP.

To end, one of my favorite BB quotes that has and continues to save my sanity and sobriety…”…place the outcome in God’s hands.” BB pg 80

Looking forward to reading what is on your heart as related to what you have learned or lived around Steps 8-9 or any other topic on your heart.

Thank you for allowing me to share.

We share a common disease and we share a common solution.

However, our individual conception of God is unique.

When Bill had Ebbe round for what he thought would be a good ole session – pg 9 BB , his friend showed up, ‘ fresh – skinned, glowing. There was something different about his eyes.’

His friend didn’t drink anymore. He had found religion.

Bill’s story continues to describe his personal experience with religion and he begins to lean into the 3 pertinent ideas;

A) that we were alcoholic

B) that no human power could relieve us of our alcoholism

C) that God could and would if he was sought

A simple admission and immediate change of consciousness.

I spent years trying to control my drinking, trying to manage my inner and outer world. Invariably trying to control the outer world to make my inner world feel ‘better’ (pg 61 BB articulates this nicely)

When I drank alcohol, at the beginning, it gave me a false sense of peace. That the world was ok.
Today the world doesn’t have to be ok, it is in God’s hands.
Mother Theresa said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family” Today it starts with me on the right footing because I am practising this 12 Step program with God in my life.

“I don’t believe I drank to get drunk, but always to seek in the next drink that peace for which a sick soul seems to thirst.”

Los Angeles, Calif., August 1965, “The Spiritual Kind of Thirst”, Spiritual Awakenings

I didn’t like the taste of alcohol – I liked how it made me feel and even from a very young age , I was displaying behaviours that weren’t natural. I had ‘isms’ just waiting for the first drink that would quieten the disease , the temporary fix.

Jung identified in his letter to Bill W referring to his patient , one of us, Roland H “His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God.*”

Back to Bill – pg 12 BB , recognising the change in his friend, he has the seeds of a psychic change himself as he contemplates God, to which Ebbe suggests – “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?”

From this we are free from our own old conceptions of religion, spirituality and God, to have a new experience and enter the Realm of the Spirit.

At my first meeting, God had been mentioned and I left thinking, fantastic, what a load of nonsense ! A cult! I’ll just have to carry on drinking … continuing to gather more material for my Step 4. Until I was ready and we have to be entirely ready.

I was scared that I wouldn’t have a spiritual experience at first , I used to think, well there are all these religious people committed to God, seeking, why on earth would I be so special that this will happen and I was a bit apprehensive that I wouldn’t have one.

God removed my desire to drink – I had been trying on my own self will for years and I couldn’t stop. My first spiritual experience.

Step 3 guided me further into my own understanding and a safety net of love and hope.

From that spiritual platform I was able to do an honest and thorough Step 4 & 5.

Step 7 / I did as we are told and spent an hour in church asking God to remove my defects of character. God is able to remove them, I’ve got to honestly want to let them go !

Continuing to take personal inventory- then to my 6 & 7 then Step 11. I fall deeper in love with my program the more I practice the disciplines and principles that this new way of life offers.

I have a different consciousness through working the program. It can only be described as a spiritual awakening.

Other spiritual experiences, the mystical God moments have occurred, the synchronicity of things- my relationships today – my Sponsee’s and fellowship. I feel full up – my soul is brimming.

The program has been described as aimed at the Spirit so whether it is the Great Outdoors – the rooms- God – whatever our unique conception is – if we are willing to grow along spiritual lines, we will see the results.

Pg 567 Appendix 11 BB
Spiritual Experience

In the above – William James refers to the experience I have had as the, “educational variety”
I know that some people have had profound spiritual experiences in their recovery. I would love to read more about your collective experiences.

Path to Life in the Solution: Humility

Bill W. speaks about how alcoholics seem to be such a dilemma to themselves and others. So much so, he wrote an entire chapter in the Big Book to discuss this oddity. It is called Here is the Solution. I can’t say that I understand my own behavior and defects when I was drinking.

Why I couldn’t stop drinking, no matter how hard I tried. How I couldn’t seem to keep promises, no matter how sincerely I felt I made them. How I changed from a ‘regular person’ into a raging monster when alcohol entered my system. How I managed to alienate everyone around me, and thought it was their fault too. How I emerged from a Wallflower into the Belle of the Ball, or so I thought. How I couldn’t seem to keep my mouth shut and when I opened it, couldn’t say anything nice. How I didn’t seem to find a moral I liked in the whole book. And it goes on. Refer to
Here is the Solution or walk through the 12 Steps to check off those defects one by one.

Recently I found myself defending that no matter how many years of not taking a drink in AA doesn’t confer wisdom.

It is progress not perfection, and then only if I am paying attention. I confound myself, I really do.

Same with years lived on this planet. We parrot that with age comes wisdom but I promise you that I pray for that wisdom all the time. Neither of these principles follow the neat ‘if this, then that.’ Dare I say, Work, work, work?

This month’s step has introduced a character aspect that has made me cringe. I am called upon to be humble. Oh, no! But what I have been thinking about this week is that unless I am humble, honest, from the get go, I am not going to get anywhere and surely not achieve happy, joyous and free. I thought humility was a downer-I would be less than. I couldn’t hold up my head. So now that I need to get some, what do I get in return?

It seems to me that humility gives me choice. It does seem to be a paradox, doesn’t it? It is plain common sense that when I reach humility, I am free to choose and then I get all of the rest of the benefits. Back to the steps, each and every one enriches my life. But I need to commit to humility and accept the spirituality of this amazing program. Or not.

In spite of all of the above that ‘I know’ I want to own up to a ‘sober’ action of mine this week that made no sense-except to someone who was thinking she is the Center of the Universe…or more. I am struggling with living in my 80’s. It is attacking me from all sides. My Higher Power and I talk about it all the time. I thought He answered me this week! Oh sure…!

So this week I had to get my driver’s license renewed. In this state, 5 years ago, we were notified that likely we ‘old folks’ would get only a limited number of years of renewal at a time. I was ready and resentful for it even though I don’t drive much. Again I didn’t pay attention, I just pouted. And didn’t in the mail come my new license renewed for 5 years. So big deal, right? No, my magical thinking concluded that since the DMV gave me five more years, I’d get to live at least five more years. Oh, really? God and the DMV have now teamed up? I doubt it! But I so hoped they would. Someone in a meeting said this week, half joking, God is going to do what God does. I can say one thing for sure. I am not the Center of the Universe and I am not able to influence or read the mind of God. That is not spirituality–that is simply self-will run riot.

I know that I can Live in the Solution and be happy, joyous and free. But I also know it is up to me. Oldtimers used to tell me they’d be happy to refund my misery if I wanted to walk out the door. And that is what it would be. I am ever so grateful for you, this Program and God. Therein is the Solution. For me at least. Suspect it’s yours too. hgz, b. 9/21/83

Step 7 “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

“Since this Step so specifically concerns itself with humility, we should pause here to consider what humility is and what the practice of it can mean to us. Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.’s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all.
We are getting ready to change and ask our Higher Power to change us.”
(BB. P. 70-76)

Change: an act or process through which something becomes different ~ to make or become different.

Step 7 Prayer
When we are ready, we say something like this:
My Creator, l am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding.
~ Amen ~

“Of myself I am nothing, the Father does it all.”

Step 7 asked of me to be willing to change.
I have been working on Step 7, and taking in account my sponsor’s feedback. Today l see more clearly what are my triggers, patterns and defects of character. HALT is a very powerful tool for dealing with my character flaws.

By being humble, l can make a more conscious effort to act differently.
My Higher Power has been doing for me what I wasn’t able to do for myself.

I ask my Higher Power, may l be respectful and kind towards myself and others. That l may better do God’s will.

I have the tendency to attack people for l feel attacked, and l take things way too personal for no other reason than “it’s all about me.” Underneath my kill and attack mentality I am incredibly insecure about myself. My ego attacks, because l’m wrongly convinced of l have to protect myself from getting harmed. In the process of being defensive and offensive, it’s me who is doing the harming. With my arrogance I create a situation where I’m feeling good about myself.

“Can’t touch this.”

I feel important and act like I know it all.
In the past I felt unseen and not taken seriously. Overcompensating, I created a false sense of self. Arrogance, intolerance, self seeking, superiority, self-righteous, etc. Are not foreign to me.
It’s all about hiding the truth, which is l feel like I am the victim of life and others who don’t understand me. Being so unique and all.

When people put me on a pedestal and look up to me, it makes me feel special and good about myself. Using people, places and things to fulfil my selfish needs. Superiority makes me want to interfere with other people’s business.
Others obviously don’t know what they are doing.
I definitely know best! Let me fix it for you and all will be well. I will tell you what to do.
I don’t need any help with my false sense of pride.

Therefore l am disappointed in myself when l allow myself to be guided by others. Living based on unsatisfied desires left us in a state of constant confusion and frustration.
–
I don’t need all these resources anymore.
It’s all unjustified and unnecessary.
While working the steps, l came to the realisation that I have my own part in ALL things.
My truth oftentimes is not by any definition the truth. Certainly not when it’s ego driven.
I therefore humbly ask my Higher Power to remove from me my shortcomings.
My shortcomings are still mine to actively work on and overcome one day at the time.
On a daily basis I surrender to God, and ask to remove from me my character defects, and may l better do His will. By doing the right next thing.
I have to be willing to do my utmost to work on this. I am willing.

What does Step 7 and change mean for you?

Today, I am amazed to be celebrating the 28th Anniversary of my last drink. I didn’t believe I’d live that long, much less be sober that long, when I came back to AA in 1996. I am not the same person that I was the day I arrived in AA. That danna was insecure, afraid, hurt, and basically broken. Years of drinking had robbed me of the person I was before I picked up my first drink.

I carried every hurt and every disappointment with me everywhere. I seemed to always be disappointed. My many failures at trying to stop drinking left me hopeless that AA could help me. It was only my desperation to stop living in a bottle that kept me in AA for several years. Most of all, I did not like the person I had become. I hated myself. In truth, I didn’t know who I was anymore. All I could relate to was that hard-drinking angry middle-aged woman. That old man in Virginia told me not to make big decisions in my first few years because I didn’t know who I was making them for. He was right.

In sobriety, I’ve been on a journey of discovery. I’ve been discovering who I really am. Working the Steps with a sponsor has been a big part of that journey, particularly Steps 4 and 5. Every time I’ve done the Steps, I’ve learned more about what makes me tick – what hits my emotional buttons, what I enjoy as a sober woman, and how I relate to the God of my misunderstanding. Having the other fatal disease of depression, I’ve also learned a lot about how my thoughts and feelings are intertwined and how they drive each other.

I’ve learned other important lessons, too. Like how it’s okay to be a human being and to make mistakes – that good is good enough. I’ve learned that my feelings are a part of me, and they’re normal. Everyone has them, and I don’t have to feel ashamed of them or change them. I’ve learned that keeping my thought in the moment is the best way to stay sober and serene. I’ve learned that all people have flaws and short-comings, and I am just like everyone else – with no right to judge others. I’ve learned that no one is out to get me – that my interpretation of other people’s motives is usually projection, not insight.

There’s no end to the things I’ve learned about me since I’ve been sober, and the learning continues. Most recently, I learned that feeling vulnerable can be a good thing – that I don’t have to protect my ego. All I have to do is be who I am and that what others think of me is none of my business. In fact, what *I* think of me is none of my business either. When I’m trying to protect my feelings, I’m building barriers between me and the world. All I need to do today is take one day at a time, do the next right thing, and let go of results.The good news the changes that have come as a result of what I’ve learned about myself have made like and accept myself.That’s worlds away from the woman who walked back into the rooms 28 years ago.

No matter how long it’s been since you had your last drink, I’m sure you have learned something about yourself that you forgot while you were drinking. Please share with us about your journey to re-discover who you are in sobriety. Or please share with us anything that you need to share today.

Topic for the week: Three Choices

For this week’s topic I am borrowing a topic from a recent meeting I was not able to hear all of it. The leader read from As Bill Sees It page 327, 

“Three Choices: The immediate object of our quest is sobriety–freedom from alcohol and from all its baleful consequences. Without this freedom, we have nothing at all.

Paradoxically, though, we can achieve no liberation from the alcohol obsession until we become willing to deal with those character defects which have landed us in the helpless condition. In the freedom quest, we are always given three choices.

A rebellious refusal to work up on our glaring defects can be an almost certain ticket to destruction. Or, perhaps for a time, we can stay sober with a minimum of self-improvement and settle ourselves into a comfortable but often dangerous mediocrity. Or, finally, we can continuously try hard for those sterling qualities that can add up to fineness of spirit and action–true and lasting freedom under God.”

I remember when I was new, I wanted to find the shortest cut to achieving what I saw in others. I was always trying to find the angle, the key, the way. That unknown quality that would make me whole so that I could be good enough for the right man, the right job, the perfect friends. If only, then my world would be perfect. Coming into AA wasn’t different, I heard what they said in meetings, I worked with my sponsor, I tried working with others, but I was hardheaded, and I didn’t follow all the instructions. It took years for me to be where I thought I should be, and now that I am here, I realize it is the simple things that are important:

1.    don’t drink no matter what (call one of us first)

2.    read the big book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

3.    Find a woman sponsor to work the steps with

4.    go to as many meetings as you can

5.    watch out for 13^th steppers (men will pat you on the ass, women will save your ass)

Read the big book, continuously so that “more can be revealed.” Get a sponsor, the true reality check with I get crazy. Go to as many meetings as you can, I always learn new things at meetings, meet interesting people and expand my horizons. Watch out for people with ulterior motives.

After you’ve been in AA a while, get into service: Make coffee, clean the meeting room, chair meetings, volunteer in the office or your local intergroup, attend group conscience meetings–no matter how strange they seem, remember “place principles before personalities.”

No matter how much time you have in this program, character defects do pop up, and just like everything, if you apply the principles in dealing with the problem, your life will get better. This is a spiritual program for living.

Thank you for the honor of letting me chair this meeting. The floor is now open. Have a Blessed week.

Topic for the week:  Relationships

Hello beautiful sober woman!  After much soul searching, talking with my sponsor, prayer, inventory and seeking outside help, it is very clear that I struggle with relationships PERIOD.  One of my character defects is judgment and boy has this been rearing its ugly head.  I’m glad I’m aware of it today.  I know I can’t take it away, but I know God can.  I have spent way too much time and energy on overanalyzing what the heck is wrong with me?  Oh right, I’m human.  I try really hard to practice love and tolerance but I forget to be loving and tolerant of myself.   My sponsor reminded me this week that the steps are all about relationships:  Steps 1-3 relationship with God; Steps 4-7 relationship with self;  Steps 8-12 relationship with others.

So simple for this complicated alcoholic!  Lol

Thank you for allowing me to be of service,

Statia

Topic for the week: Step 6

Dear GROW sisters,

My name is Teresa S. I am an alcoholic, gratefully recovering, on day at at a time.  I am grateful for this opportunity to be of service. I ask my HP to help me with this share so that the words may help others.

By the time I got to my first Step 6, I was “entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”  I was “sick and tired of being sick and tired”. My own ways did not work to relieve me from the pain and suffering I was living. I had no idea I would need to work this step over and over again…and now, I know, it is a daily step except on the days when I am perfect!   LOL.  

It was while working this step that the obsession to drink was lifted. By the Grace of God, I have not used alcohol since 12.21.1993. Little did I know, there was much, much more work to do. With no alcohol to hide behind, I had the choice to be honest and willing to look at what I had become. Working with my sponsors, some times quickly, mostly slowly, I began to change.  I recently (last 8 months) and finally realized I was placing unreasonable demands and expectations on others. My HP/God has freed me from this character defect and has created space for me to grow and help others. This is a life long program, I am still growing!

Today, this step teaches me…

1. I have to be willing to let go of thoughts, actions, and words that make me feel good, superior to you, or right….”we ask God to help us be willing.” BB pg. 76

2. I have to allow God, not me, my therapist or my best friend, to remove ALL my defects of character. 

3. I have to know and name my defects of character. Easy to find on the list in my Step 4 inventory. Some of my favorites were bitterness, resentment, self pity, selfishness, self-righteous anger, blaming, remorse, worry, self-deception, procrastination (“sloth in five syllables” 12×12 pg.67) and a fear. These fed my desire to feel better. In the past I used alcohol combined with behaviors that were damaging to myself and others, especially those I loved most.

4. I do not have to rush or hurry God; healing, repairing, recovery and progress take time. Patience, love and tolerance will/have replaced the above listed defects until they creep back into my daily life. (Remember on my non perfect days 🙂 “No matter how far we have progressed, desires will always be found which pope the Grace of God.” 12×12 pg.66.  Thus, postponement and rationalization of my alcoholic mind will not help in my recovery, as this has been a trick from my ego to not take responsibility for myself and return to blaming and more character defects.  Thus, I must not dilly dally and “take action toward their removal as quickly as I can.” 12×12 pg.69

5. The smallest changes will allow me to grow if I continue to work. Like my garden, if I pull the weeds, my vegetables and flowers have space to grow strong and beautiful, as they were created to be. Like us, we can become as we were created to be “the image and likeness” or our Creator.  

 6. Freedom means clarity and the right to choose. In Step 6 I am entirely willing to aim toward perfection.  I can still say to myself:  “This I cannot give up YET… but we should not say to ourselves, “this I will NEVER give up!” “Delay is dangerous, and rebellion may be fatal.” 12×12 pg. 69

Thank you for allowing me to share my experience, strength and hope as it relates to working this step.  Progress, not perfection!   

Sincerely, 

T. 12.21.1993

We are all invited to share on Step 6.  The steps are our blueprint for living sober lives.

*** Step 6 ***
“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

This step is listed in Chapter 5, How it Works, from the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” (affectionately known as the Big Book) (see p. 59). There’s more in Chapter 6 (Into Action), starting about page 75. And there’s even more about it in the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

*** Where to get the books, Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

You can find these books at many f2f AA meetings; you can order them online from many places. And they are available from the AA General Service office, to read online, in English, French, and Spanish. See www.aa.org/

Topic for the week:

Topic for the week:

Topic for the week: Step 5

 We are all invited to share, at any time this month, on Step 5 and Tradition 5. The steps are our blueprint for living sober lives. The traditions are what guide most AA groups. The traditions certainly inform our group conscience decisions and the original structure for GROW. We look forward to your shares.

 *** Step 5 ***

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

De, alcoholic.  The idea that I might have had something to do with how I was raised or how I was treated by others in school was difficult for me to accept.  I was the victim.  My part came down to merely breathing, existing, being in the room.  A lot of my behavior became entrenched, my reactions did not serve me well. .  Taking these behaviors into adulthood put me at a disadvantage.  As I have heard in the rooms, I did not play well with others.  

Putting words to my behavior, identifying my vulnerabilities (I wasn’t defective!) and then sharing them with another person did not give me the relief that I have had others speak about. I am not sure I ever did a traditional sit down and share step 5.  It was in bits and pieces, with separate disclosures.  Telling the truth, not embellishing, not feeling sorry for myself were behaviors I needed to practice.  

God already knew what I had done so why was I admitting anything to “him.”  There was mental anguish around my concept of a Power greater than myself that I had to work through.  

Awareness that tomorrow will mark 28 years since taking a drink and it has been awhile since I have sponsored anyone, a lot of this is hazy at best.  I am in the practice of using the Serenity Prayer to work through an emotional crisis going round and round in my head.  I still take pen to paper when spinning out of control.  I have a sponsor I check in with weekly.   I am in service to this group.  Thank you for being here.  

 This step is listed in Chapter 5, How it Works, from the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” (affectionately known as the Big Book) (see p. 59). There’s more in Chapter 6, starting on p. 72. And there’s even more about it in the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

 *** Where to get the books, Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ***

 You can find these books at many f2f AA meetings; you can order them online from many places. And they are available from the AA General Service office, to read online, in English, French, and Spanish. See www.aa.org/

Topic for the week: Purpose

Topic for the week: Unity

“Above us, at the International Convention at St. Louis in 1955, floated a banner one which was inscribed the then new symbol for A.A., a circle enclosing a triangle. The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.’s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service. …

When in 1955, we oldtimers (Bill W &) turned over our Three Legacies to the whole movement, nostalgia for the old days blended with gratitude for the great day in which I was now living. No more would it be necessary for me to act for, decide for, or protect A.A.

For a moment, I dreaded the coming change. But this mood quickly passed. The conscience of A.A. as moved by the guidance of God could be depended upon to insure A.A.’s future.  Clearly my job henceforth was to let go and let God.” (From As Bill Sees it quoting A.A. Come of Age p. 139, 46, 88).

I remember being new and wanting to find out about A.A., I went to our local intergroup office and bought a bunch of books about A.A. And I learned there was a lot going on behind the scenes for there to be meetings. There were group conscience meetings which saw to the running of the meetings, clubhouses, rent, bills paid. From the group conscience meetings there were Trusted Servants () elected to make sure our meeting was represented local intergroup, which in turn elect members to the region, and then the General Service Conference [General Service Office (GSO in NYC)] who reports to the General Service Board that has sub-committees. Google: AA inverted triangle. Where corporations have the CEO at the top,

Without unity of members, the whole structure falls apart. “We are a benign anarchy and a democracy.” (As Bill Sees It, p. 50)

So, tell me about your experience with the structure of AA?

Thank you for letting me share, the meeting is now open.

Topic for the week: Charging station for Volvo EX40.

My drinking problem turned out to be not only a drinking but mainly a thinking problem. When alcohol wasn’t my main obsession anymore, it became clear my drug of choice wasn’t alcohol or any other substance, My main drug of choice is using people to charge my battery. It is today, as it has been since I started this journey so called life.

My biggest pitfall as I look for conformation in the words of others. In place of the word of God. 

Codependency eat your heart out…

In recovery I have experienced that in all my relationships so far, in one form or another, I used people, for my own advantage, as a medicine for my dis-ease. With which I have not only robbed myself but also other people of their time and energy. 

I thereby have the tendency to suppress my true feelings in order to not acknowledge my restlessness, irritable and discontent about what’s underneath the surface. I am a con artist in disguise. Denial is my middle name. ‘

Exempel: yesterday, my ex sister in law and I crossed paths together. It was a trigger for me. Afterwards I shared my experiences with my family. Their reactions charged my battery, anxiety, fear, nervousness and resentment towards my past experiences. Setting in motion I was all over again creating chaos and chaos. 

Before I know it I am projecting my bullshit on a neighbour. “Normality” she’s more friendly. Today’s she’s more introverted. 

My sponsor tells me the world, not even of my neighbours revolves around me. I was using my neighbour as an excuse to deflect my true feelings. Wasn’t willing to dive into what I was really afraid of….!

My thoughts are misleading and inconsistent with reality. The neighbour across the street was my charging station because I did not use the program. I didn’t shared what was triggering me with my sponsor. Big mistake. 

Thank God, I have a 12 step program for living. A sponsor, prayer, meditation, a toolbox and a strong connection with all of you!

Are you encouraging “this” in recovery? 

How do you deal with feelings and thoughts that are not realistic or logical?

How do you find out it’s not rational or objective? What resource(s) are you using to recharge in recovery?

Thank you for allowing me to chair this meeting.

PS I don’t know if a Volvo EX40 is a fine car, but EX stands for all that’s in the past incl. all my exes :-)) and in my forties 40 I became sober. 

With love, 

Tanja 

The Fourth Step is to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Another word for ‘moral’ is truth. By reviewing our lives — the people, situations, beliefs and fears we have engaged with in our past — we can begin to see the truth about ourselves and the role we’ve played in our troubles.

Why is it that the alcoholic is so unwilling to accept responsibility? I used to drink because of the things that other people did to me. Once I came to A.A. I was told to look at where I had been wrong. What did I have to do with all these different matters? When I simply accepted that I had a part in them, I was able to put it on paper and see it for what it was – humanness. I am not expected to be perfect! I have made errors before and I will make them again. To be honest about them allows me to accept them – and myself – and those with whom I had the differences; from there, recovery is just a short distance ahead…

 

Sometimes taking somebody else’s inventory can be most beneficial. When I was doing my Fourth Step, an old-timer suggested I list the names of those against whom I held resentments, followed by two or three sentences describing what they had done to earn my displeasure. Then, after putting the list aside for a day, I was to cross off each person’s name and replace it with my own. Grapevine; “Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall,” October 1987, Step by Step

Topic for the week: ‘To thine own self be true.’

AA medallions are given for lengths of sobriety and some have the saying ‘To thine own self be true’ on one side; I happen to have one. One night, after more than 20 years of sobriety, I found myself considering whether or not to start drinking with my English boyfriend. My medallion helped me to choose sobriety.

That evening, Steve and I had gone to a pub. As I sat across from him, the thought came to me that perhaps we could get “closer” if I drank with him instead of always being sober while he got drunk (we’d had many discussions about alcoholism and several times I’d told him I thought he was an alcoholic – he always disagreed). I’m not sure why I didn’t just order a pint right there and then, but instead I chose to go for a walk…perhaps that ‘think, think, think’ slogan was subconsciously at work. I took a short walk then sat down. Again, I’m not sure why I did it, but I took my medallion out of my wallet and read both sides.

I knew of the quote ‘To thine own self be true.’ and believed in its message, which I interpreted to mean be honest with myself, be accountable for my behavior, and follow through on what I say I’ll do. But that evening my sobriety was on the line, so after reading the quote my thoughts were: who was I, really – the alcoholic Michele or the sober Michele? What should I do to “be true” to myself – drink or not drink? These thoughts were swirling through my head for only about a minute before I had my answer: being true to myself meant staying sober. I didn’t want to go back – back to blacking out, being full of self-pity and angry at the world, creating problem after problem for myself, and alienating family and friends. Sobriety is difficult at times, but I wanted to keep the serenity I’d found in my years in AA, the trust I’d re-built with family and friends, and the belief that, in sobriety, I was becoming the person my Higher Power wants me to be, which was a far cry from the person I was as an active alcoholic.

Having made my decision, I got up and walked back to the pub. Steve was playing billiards with some people; I smiled at him and sat down at our table. I never told him about my thoughts, and since that time have never felt the need to reconsider my sobriety. He and I stayed together for about another year then parted ways, as friends. I often think of him at the beginning of meetings when we have a moment of silence for those alcoholics in and out of the rooms still suffering.

I believe that what pulled me through my moments of doubt and questioning include, in no particular order, my Higher Power, the many meetings I’ve attended, the numerous shares I’ve heard, AA’s slogans, service work, friendships in AA (making me feel I belonged), doing the Steps and gaining their benefits, developing a more right-sided view of myself (i.e., neither loathing myself nor having an inflated ego), and being at peace with myself knowing that I’m striving for personal and spiritual progress as I go through life.

I couldn’t be true to myself when I was drinking as I didn’t want to be honest, accountable, unselfish, and let go of resentments. In early sobriety I learned to once again listen to my conscience – I’d tuned it out as an active alcoholic – as I began to trust and believe in what my conscience was telling me…had always been telling me, i.e., tell the truth, be responsible, learn to let go of anger in an appropriate way, and so on.

I’m so grateful I had that medallion, that I thought to take it out and read it, and that I made the decision to remain sober. I’m also grateful for that moment of doubt and going through the thought process of considering who I wanted to be, what was important to me, and what I wanted in my life. In that short space of time I re-affirmed my commitment to staying sober, to being the person I believe I’m meant to be, and to giving myself the chance to be happy, joyous and free as a result of following the AA program.

The meeting is now open. Please share on what it means to you, as a sober woman, to be true to yourself, or how any of AA’s slogans/sayings have helped you stay sober. Thanks for letting me share.

Topic for the week:

This reading is from a Hazelden app, I use them for guidance every day: 

Start your day with poise and serenity. If your alarm doesn’t go off, you can remain calm. If a traffic jam slows your commute, you can be at peace. If a friend cancels on you, you can be forgiving. You can do all these things when you decide “I will not allow anything to disturb my mental balance or throw my mind out of its serenity.” Facing life with inner strength means not allowing people, places, or things to destroy your harmony with the world. Facing life with peace of mind means you are in charge of your destiny and your recovery. Facing life with understanding and forgiveness means you have built a strong relationship with a Higher Power. Then you can view disruptions to your well-being and purpose as trifling, small incidents that are short-lived.

Today you can choose to be defeated by life’s little insensibilities, conflicts, and disappointments, or successfully handle whatever comes your way without disruption to your inner peace.   My achievements today will reflect my attitude. I will choose to face life with a serene spirit and calm poise.

Making the choice to be poised and serene sounds easy, and it is when life is going ‘my way’.  But when challenges come up in situations or relationships, emotions so easily swell while my 12 step tools (including God) are far from my consciousness.  It can take me hours or even a few days to reel in my thoughts, step back and determine how to get back to that inner peace.

These are some of the questions I’ve learned to ask myself in the past year, they are part of my toolbox now:

• what amends do I need to make?
• what does this emotion tell me really matters?
• what does it suggest I need to attend to?
• what fear do I need to face?
• what behavior do I need to change?
• what loss do I need to come to terms with?

If I can answer any of these questions and take appropriate action, the chances of picking up a drink to solve my problems is greatly reduced.  And that’s my goal today first and foremost, to cope with life free of alcohol (or any addictive self-sabotaging behavior).  I remind myself to talk to God about it too.  I don’t expect perfection, but I’ll take progress any day of the week! 

I would love to learn your favorite tools or ESH to find poise and serenity when life throws you a curve ball!

Grateful to lead this week,

Topic for the week:  My ESH in GROW

I have been a member of GROW for close to 10 years. During that time there has been a lot of turn over in membership. There are a  number of women still here that were members when I first arrived and there are also some women that I looked up to that have died. GROW is an important part of my program but I’ve realized how little I know about many of the members whos shares I follow each week. Because we are an ’email group’ it is easy to hide behind our keyboards and not really get to know each other. I am guilty of not reaching out as much as I could. I chose this weeks topic in the hope that we might get to know each other on a deeper level and perhaps make the extra effort to get to know each other better. I thought we might do that by sharing how we found our way to GROW, our experience with GROW and how it has impacted our program/sobriety, and what things are like for us now as a part of GROW.

I joined GROW when I was 14 months sober. I had gotten sober in Eugene, Oregon at the ripe old age of 56. I am a slow learner. My husband and I are fulltime RVers and have been living that lifestyle since 2006. When I got sober in 2013 I went to rehab in Eugene.  We took a break from traveling for the next 12 months so I could get a solid foundation in my sobriety. I attended a number of Womens groups during that year. A woman at one of those meetings was a member of GROW and she suggested I check it out when she knew I was getting ready to start traveling again.

When we resumed our travels I continued going regularly to f2f meetings in each new location we traveled to. AA is one of the most welcoming, and loving groups of people I have ever had the privilege of being a part of. Even though I was a total stranger, each time I attended a new meeting in a new town, I was welcomed and made to feel ‘a part of’. After a few months though, I realized that almost every new meeting I went to, I was asked to share my story. It didn’t take long before I began to feel that I was missing out on hearing other peoples stories. Hearing the ESH of other AA members is a critical part of my program! It was shortly after this that I joined GROW. GROW became my Home Group. It is where a number of you know me from my shares and I have gotten to know some of you. It is the meeting where my absence would hopefully be noticed. GROW is where I do my Service Work and where I found my Sponsor. Because of the email format for sharing, GROW has been instrumental in a great deal of self discovery. Because I have days instead of minutes to think about what I want to say about our weekly topic, I have discovered things about myself that have resulted in real growth in my program. I am certainly not the confused, novice in sobriety I was when I arrived in this group. Even through the pandemic and the shift to ZOOM meetings, GROW has continued to be my meeting of choice, my home group. It suits me and my traveling schedule.

Recently I have seen a troubling change in our group. The membership numbers have decreased, the Trusted Servant positions have become difficult if not impossible to fill, and the number of women that share regularly has been spotty. I am deeply concerned about the health and future of GROW but I have turned that outcome over to my Higher Power. I know that what ever happens, my HP will direct me to the next right thing.

In the mean time, I look forward to hearing about your ESH with GROW: how each of you came to GROW, what has happened since you joined and what things are like now.

Thank you for taking the time to read and share on this weeks topic.

Yours in Service,

Cheryl B

Topic for the week: Acceptance

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, Page 417 

When I first got sober back in 2015, I was spiritually, emotionally and morally bankrupt upon walking into this program. I had more wreckage than I even knew what to do with and the shame I felt ran deeper than I knew how to handle. I could barely even look at myself in the mirror. The year prior to getting sober, I unknowingly was doing a first step. I was stuck in a cycle of praying to God in my journal to help me get sober & then I would find myself blacking out from drinking on a regular basis. I felt completely helpless. I was a shell of a human that last year. I did know yet understand the power that acceptance would have in my life. It was in October 2015 that God placed on my heart that enough was enough. He told me to get help and showed me the way to an IOP & from there I found AA. Once I fully surrendered to the fact that I was an alcoholic, that’s when acceptance and healing could begin to take root. Since that time my life has had a dramatic shift. I’ve went onto be extremely successful in my professional life, made living amends to my husband and my now teenage daughter and have grown to love myself as a sober woman of dignity and grace. I’ve had the opportunity to clear the wreckage I caused while in active addiction. I am not the same woman who I was back then. 

In January 2023 God told me that I was going into a year of acceptance. I thought I had already fully grasped that concept, but I came to realize that acceptance of myself and others was something I genuinely lacked in my recovery program. Last year I had endless opportunities to show compassion, empathy and understanding towards many people that came in and out of my life. I was even in a car accident last March and was able to have acceptance and forgiveness towards the driver who smashed into me immediately after the accident occurred. I choose not to carry my anger with me because as an alcoholic I know this becomes a resentment, so I have to forgive immediately and have total acceptance around the circumstances. I have learned that true self acceptance is loving myself right where I am at today. Acceptance is the key to my happiness and peace of mind. It’s something I have learned that I need to practice in all my affairs. Without acceptance of people, places and things – I can not experience serenity. So I choose my peace and make acceptance an intentional practice every day. That is one of the ways that I stay in fit spiritual condition. 

Today, I live a life I never thought possible. I attend an AA meeting every single day because it’s my medicine & I’m clear that as an alcoholic, that is what I need to stay sober one day at a time. I sponsor other women and have a sponsor who I love dearly. I have worked the steps many times over the years. I know that I will forever be a work in progress and that’s okay. I have complete and total acceptance in the fact that I am an alcoholic who needs a program of recovery to have a daily reprieve. I’m so grateful for what this program has done for my life and that I get to call myself one of the lucky ones. Thank you for letting me share. 

Topic for the week: Step 3

We are all invited to share on Step 3. The steps are our blueprint for living sober lives

*** Step 3 ***
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”

This step is listed in Chapter 5, How it Works, from the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” (affectionately known as the Big Book) (see p. 59). There’s more in Chapter 5, starting on p. 60. And there’s even more about it in the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

*** Where to get the books, Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ***
You can find these books at many f2f AA meetings; you can order them online from many places. And they are available from the AA General Service office, to read online, in English, French, and Spanish. See www.aa.org/

Step 3 is for me the most powerful of all the Steps, particularly when I was new to sobriety. I fought it long and hard, fearing that the God of my misunderstanding wouldn’t handle whatever it was the way I wanted it done. That got easier the more I thought about my life before sobriety. Seems like the harder I pushed to get my way, the worse things went for me. After a while, I figured out that what I wanted had seldom been what I needed. Learning to give it all to God was a slow process. But the more I practiced letting go, the better things went. After a while, it became natural to give my life and my will over to a power much greater than me. I learned to trust that my Higher Power really did know better what I needed. The more I turned it over, the sooner serenity came.

The third Step prayer became a very important part of my days: “God, I offer myself to Thee – To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power,Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.  May I do Thy will always!”

Step 3 is a powerful foundation upon which to build a sober life – and to complete the rest of the steps. For me, life got easier because I don’t have to fix anything. I can leave it to a Higher Power with a lot more insight than I have. I don’t have to make other people behave the way I want them to. I can let them be who they are and follow the will of the God of their understanding. All I have to do is continue to work the program and let my God take care of results.

How does Step 3 manifest in your life and your sobriety? Please share on your experience with this Step – or on anything you need to talk about this week.

Topic for the week:

It is the last Sunday of February so this week is a service meeting. As the lIstkeeper of the Grow Chair volunteers, I am honored to serve this group so that the suffering alcoholic has a place to find recovery and hope.

Last week, I thought it was the last Sunday.  I was trying to look at my list on my phone vs getting out my computer.  I wanted the easier softer way.  What happened was I did not catch that I was actually looking at the wrong week and I caused a bit of a mess.  Luckily, I have a program and I can accept my humanness, admit my mistake and right the wrong. It was not and end of the world mistake, like my head likes to tell me.  But one that I could make amends for nonetheless.

So even service can be messy.   The great thing is that in AA, we accept the mistakes.  I was not fired for this little oversight.  Matter of fact, no one knew except me, God and one other person.  I was gently reminded that life happens and was accepted, just the way I am – perfectly imperfect.

I was a few years in AA before I actually heard the responsibility statement.  ” am responsible, when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.”

This is a program of “We”.  I need to show up and be a part of so these meetings continue.  This is not just a position that I hold, this is a part of my recovery.  Talking to the new comers, asking for their number, inviting them to coffee. I do also hold service positions, and I do have to be careful to over-commit.  But I want to be the hand of AA.

I would love to hear about how you join in keeping the AA meetings alive.  How are you the” hand” of AA?  How was this hand presented to you when you first came into the meetings?

Topic for the week:  WHICH IS YOUR FAVORITE AA PROMISE?

I have to admit I made many promises that I did not keep.  I heard many that others didn’t keep either.  It took a while for me to realize there are AA Promises. Of course I met them with my usual skepticism.  Until I read them at the suggestion of my sponsor when I was complaining that sober life was no big deal for all the work I had to put in.  

   The Promises are a collection of miracles.  Favoring one is like asking me to pick my favorite candy from a box of chocolates.  Individual Promises, to me, seem to have more special meaning at different times in sobriety.  They are listed in this share for your reference.  This is the ‘sometimes quickly’ topic and all that is asked of me is to be painstaking about my development (or, as I would say, work, work, work).

   I will know a new freedom, a new happiness before I am halfway done.  These took effect little by little, as soon as I entered the AA rooms. (I admit I used to busy myself with figuring out what ‘half way done’ was!)   

   I will not regret the past nor shut the door on it.  As I work the Steps, I see myself in a different light.  I may feel guilt or shame. These feelings start to ease up.  I accept myself, I know my Higher Power accepts me. I know you will love me until I love myself.  

  No matter how far down the scale I’ve gone, my experience can benefit others.  I am not alone.  I am not the worst nor the best. I am not a saint. When I share my story, I share the hope that sobriety is possible, no matter what. Uselessness and self-pity go away. No more pity parties for me!

   My self-centeredness lifts.  I will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in my fellows.  When in all my drinking years could I say this!  Self-seeking will slip away. I will do service and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.  My whole attitude and outlook on life will change.  For me, a shift from being an angry, lost woman began.  

   Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave me. On my personal hierarchy of fear, these two issues are at the top.  These are some of the Promises that have trickled down for me.

   For this know-it-all woman, I learned to (really) handle situations which used to baffle me. You will recall, I was in charge and knew it all when I got here. This is powerful for me!

   Back to the first three Steps, I suddenly realize that God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.  No doubt about that!  This Promise comes true and keeps on recurring.  

My fav?  The ‘no matter how far down the scale…’ one is my favorite. What is yours? When did Promises start to come true for you? Have they ever stopped? Do you believe in them?  Aren’t they miracles!  hgz, b.  9/21/83

Topic for the week: Step 2

We are all invited to share on Step 2. The steps are our blueprint for living sober lives.

*** Step 2 ***
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

This step is listed in Chapter 5, How it Works, from the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” (affectionately known as the Big Book) (see p. 59). There’s more in Chapter 4 (We Agnostics), starting about page 44. And there’s even more about it in the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

*** Where to get the books, Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ***

You can find these books at many f2f AA meetings; you can order them online from many places. And they are available from the AA General Service office, to read online, in English, French, and Spanish. See www.aa.org/

Came to believe that a power greater than us could restore us to sanity.

I’m Sophie and an alcoholic.

What was your first experience of the Second Step? And what do you do today to keep the Second Step alive in your sobriety and in your life? Have you got a favourite reading that helps you with Step Two?

In 2013 in Auckland New Zealand I took part in an AA Women’s retreat where we participated in workshops over a weekend that took us through the 12 steps. It was an entirely new way for me to go through the steps as previously I had only gone through them with a sponsor, and then as a sponsor to others, or by reading and hearing sharing on them in a regular AA meeting.

At the workshops I saw many things about the program in new and inspiring ways. I learned I could meditate by reading one word of a phrase or in this case a step and allowing a few moments to pause and allow each word to sink in slowly. When I do this with Step Two I am reminded of Came….. Came to….. Came to believe… and how this was very much my journey into Step Two. I came along to AA meetings, slowly I “came to”, I began to wake up from the alcoholic fog and blindness and I came to believe. I came to believe that perhaps AA might work for me too, that perhaps I didn’t just have a bit of a problem and need to stop alcohol for a few months, that I was actually bodily and mentally different, I came to believe that there was something at work in AA meetings that I needed and didn’t find anywhere else in my life, that something spiritual happened when a Group of Drunks met or when one alcoholic talks (or writes!) to another. Slowly I began to have more spiritual awakenings and came to believe in a power greater than. I met that power in nature, in the voices and stories of others like me, in reading AA literature.

I began being sponsored in earnest at 5 months sober. That sponsor saved my life by guiding me through the AA literature and bringing it to life with her example. I learned that I was insane as far as the first drink was concerned. I may have had and still can have other kinds of insanity in other areas of my life but here in Step Two it was about me recognising and accepting and allowing that God could restore my sanity around alcohol so I was no longer seeking alcohol as an answer to how to do life.

Today I have been practicing that part of the AA Just for Today card, the part where it says to study something. I have read something new or revisited something from AA literature each day for the past month. It feels as if part of my brain is like a sponge but one that just needs a little moisture each day, something to direct my thoughts away from negative or self centred spiralling and outwards towards god’s will for me and towards others. I have been reading the AA book “Language of the Heart”, just a page or essay/chapter and also the AA book “Came To Believe”. I don’t think I have the answers, I just know I want to keep learning and growing in my sobriety and in life. Both of these books are filled with reflections and light bulb moments from a variety of alcoholics writing for our international magazine The Grapevine. I am in awe of the fact that in this tiny slim book “Came To Believe” there are 75 different stories about alcoholics’ spiritual experiences. I am filled up each time I read a page.

Step Two for me is the opening of something incredible. I can’t necessarily see it or put a flag in it but it’s there, that thing which I turn to. Every day I thank God for AA and thank AA for God. I thank God for being restored to sanity around the first drink and being able to be sober today and live a life beyond my dreams.

Please come back and share with us on Step Two or anything pertaining to your sobriety. All are welcome! If you’re new or shy please feel welcome to simply say hello to the meeting and identify as an alcoholic here in this safe space.

In love and service

Sophie F, Somerset UK

Topic for the week: There is a Solution……

Solution

• an action or process of solving a problem
• an answer to a problem : EXPLANATION
• specifically : a set of values of the variables that satisfies an equation
• a bringing or coming to an end or into a state of discontinuity

“There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Pg 25 BB

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was wonderful to find out that there was an actual solution to the insanity that I had been living in my entire life. My mind, even before I found relief in drinking, was always “on me”. I was like I was literally being “thought at ” My mind started lying to me disguised as me, from the get go. I didn’t know there was a difference. I thought these were my thoughts-I thought I was those thoughts. I thought you were those thoughts. But in reality it was the noise of the dis-ease that even today, wants me dead but will settle for me drunk.

I’ve heard it said that we also have a thinking problem-in fact, if you have been here a while and the obsession to drink has been removed, then I suggest going through the book again and replacing the word drinking with thinking-it’s eye opening. That’s why when the alcohol gets removed and we are sober, we must continue to grow and strengthen our spiritual connection. More so now, then back then.

My ego wants to tell me that because I have some sober “time” that I’m good. I don’t really need to pray today-I prayed yesterday. I don’t really need to read that meeting, I read something yesterday. I don’t really need to correspond with my sponsee, or ask God where he needs me today-I asked yesterday.

I never got drunk on yesterday’s booze. I didn’t get fed on yesterday’s dinner. I made sure I put on makeup and checked in to let all my “friends” know how cute I look or how my family is doing. I may have even worked out. I never rested on yesterday’s feeding of body, feeding the disease or feeding the ego, so why do I think for one second that I can rest on yesterday’s solution to a disease that will kill me? .

Having an allergy to alcohol (abnormal reaction), is just like a peanut allergy. Except, the person with the allergy to peanuts does not continuously seek to ingest peanuts. He is consciously aware and sane enough to know what will happen if he eats them. I, on the other hand, will obsess about it, try to find loopholes, bargain, think it through and then go to great lengths to find ways to destroy myself and end my state of sobriety. I can be stone cold sober physically, but drunk on drama and unmanageability.

We as alcoholics have a 3 fold disease. This was VERY significant for me to absorb so I could fully embrace the entire solution. When I was new, I didn’t have the capacity to comprehend the magnitude of what I was up against, I just didn’t want to drink anymore. I honestly thought I would hit a few meetings, not drink, do this step stuff and live happily ever after. That’s fine, because I couldn’t have handled much else at the time, but if I stayed there, in AA kindergarten, then I would be dead.

Mind-Obsession, incessant thoughts about other people, replaying the past, reliving past senorios, rehearsing conversations, manipulation, scheming, lying-sober or not:

“I’m gonna say this, so they will do that”, 

“I need to get this because if I don’t have it then….” 

“what will they think if I get this car” 

“did they see me do that? OMG, what if I get fired! What will I do?”

“I wonder if he will be there, OMG, what if she is with him” 

“If they ask me to do….then how do I tell them no, I know, I will tell them I’m sick”

“Why aren’t my neighbors aren’t moving their car, I think I will tell them how it makes me feel” 

“I need to tell her this so maybe she will….” 

“Remember when you did that at that party…I’m disgusting, I hate myself-I hate everyone.” 

“I hope I see him so he sees what I look like now and wants me back” 

“That bitch thinks she can do that to me?!?”

I MEAN…how in the hell could God/truth/good/beauty/gratitude get in through all that noise??? It’s exhausting juggling all that! That frequency/channel allows nothing in but static nonsense! I need to change the channel! But how do you change something you think is completely normal?? I learned I could change the channel from hearing the ESH of honest, spirit filled, recovered alcoholics who had no problem sharing the dark reality of what I was living in daily. It was gross. It was heavy, and it is NOT normal. And then offering me a way out. Normalizing the abnormal kept me sick.

Body-When I ingest alcohol I want more. It’s like a switch is turned on. A normal drinker will start to feel the warm and fuzzy feelings, get a little tired and call it a night. NOT ME. I’m off to the races! I instantly want more. I will go to any lengths to recapture the first time my body recorded that feeling of ease and comfort and I want more. I do not process alcohol normally so I can’t drink it. I can never drink it. But I need to further my growth so I never again seek to fill myself with poison of any form for ease and comfort.

Spirit-My spirit suffers when it disconnects from me when I am on a spree. The disease can manifest in sex sprees, shopping sprees, fear sprees, food sprees, drama spress, thinking sprees, anger sprees, politics sprees, news sprees, emotionally charged social cause sprees -all symptoms of obsession to consume or get more of something because my spirit is malnourished and without purpose. I can so easily go to extremes-so the solution brings me back to center.

If one or all parts of self are out of balance, we suffer. We can always get back on track-no matter how far down the scale I have gone-again, sober or not. I don’t care if you have 100 years sober time- if you are suffering because of a wicked case of untreated alcoholism-please ask for help. We have all been there!! The solution is in having a new experience with the Steps that paves the way back to the source that nourishes us. The things we may be seeking relief in are temporary/temporal-God is infinite, merciful, sustainable, safe and stable.

Asking the group to share one of your favorite passages from chapter 2 “There is a Solution”  and your personal experience with the Solution.

I pray you are all well wherever you are!!

Hilarie

4.8.14

Topic for the week:

‘Most emphatically, we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.’

From Appendix 2, Spiritual Experience, p. 568 ed. 4

Due to some early life trauma that triggered my first drunk at age 11, I became both intolerant and belligerent about anything spiritual. Though not atheist, I was strongly agnostic and convinced it was impossible to prove God existed, so why bother with any of it? A loving God was out of the question. I stubbornly stuck to this through many years. I’m still not sure about a ‘loving’ God, but I became able to explore and accept spiritual concepts purely to save my sanity and my life. Finding a power greater than myself evolved with Creative Intelligence (p. 46) and electricity (p. 48). I haven’t really gone to religion, though I’ve studied several of them. But I have gained access to a Power greater than me (p. 50) that has brought about the miracle of my survival. I have fortunately had a few profound spiritual experiences. PLUS I can now say that I’m happy, joyous and free most of the time! The AA booklet, ‘Came To Believe’, has been very helpful in offering many different ways of approaching spiritual growth and fulfillment. I am mostly free of all the ‘bedevilments’ (p. 52), and can no longer state that there may be no meaning to any of existence – who am I to say . There is a Power greater than myself, certainly, and today I’m able to call that Great Reality ‘God’.

Topic for the week: The good we do for others (and ourselves)

Hi again, I’m Mari Ann and I’m still an alcoholic.

There are four of us at my home group who celebrate anniversaries in January and this year they all landed in the past week.  So we four, and our sponsors or a sponsee, went to dinner last night to celebrate the occasion for the first time together.

It turned out that the sponsor of one of the women was an old-timer known to most of us but whom we haven’t seen in years due to living in different towns some distance apart. I recognized Mary from a women-only conference where hundreds of sober women met for a day of workshops and where there was a sobriety countdown.  As each tier of time-sober women sat down, she was usually the last woman standing with a number of years sober that seemed impossible.

My own sponsor never attended those conferences and mentioned that she hadn’t seen Mary in 35 years – at least.

The group exchanged stories of experiences shared over the years, but the one that caused goosebumps to pop out all over me was when my sponsor reminded Mary that “You took me to treatment over 40 years ago.”

That simple acknowledgement of a single action that saved one more life took my breath away. How one woman, doing what was best for her own sobriety by doing service in bringing a teenage girl to treatment, had ultimately informed the lives of most of us sitting around the table.

Mary didn’t remember doing that particular good deed. Probably because over the course of her 49 years in the program she has done too many to recall.  Every time we share at a meeting, every time we give someone a ride, every time we do coffee, take a phone call, check on another person in the program we sprinkle the life-saving good in ways we can’t see, probably won’t remember, but do more good than we think possible.

I celebrated 36 years sober last Tuesday and every year believe more firmly that I am a conduit for this program. It passes through me to whomever needs it as long as I do my best to live it.

To borrow from the old Nike Ad “Just do it!” It saves others as well as ourselves.

Thanks for letting me lead this week.  Be assured whatever you choose to share will turn out to be needed by someone.

Mari Ann

Topic for the week: Step 1

We are all invited to share on Step 1. The steps are our blueprint for living sober lives.

*** Step 1 ***

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

This step is listed in Chapter 5, How it Works, from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous (affectionately known as the Big Book) (see p. 59). There’s more – the Big Book opens with Bill’s Story (which details how one of the A.A. founders found that he was powerless over alcohol and that his life was unmanageable) and I think Chapter 3, “More About Alcoholism” talks about this in detail. There’s even more about it in the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

I didn’t think I was powerless when I was drinking. I was in control and you weren’t like me. Then I found I’d feel like crying if I couldn’t drink. I am sure that is a normal thing, isnt it? Then I just felt I needed a drink, to get out the door (To get more drink)… Still couldn’t admit it was a problem…. I’d embarrass myself, in towns where no one knew me…. Still not a problem. I even embarrassed myself at my sisters 60th birthday in October 2018 ((She’s 65 now… That’s A positive hint))… Caus then they told me, I had a problem… And slowly slowly catchy this monkey, I finally caved and for the first time on day 2 of sobriety ((For the final time – I hope to HP) I learnt that first step and started to say it in public, to my sister and anyone else including myself who knew how to listen and what to hear…

It had a powerful spell on me and I couldn’t get out from under it. It took and took and left me with nothing but my virtual knobbly knees.

It was Jan 02, when I rang the facility. I was there for assessment on the third and I had a room on the 6th. I had my last hangover on the 01st of Jan and my last ever drink on the 05th Jan.

So on the 05 Jan 2024 – I will be 5 years sober. 5 years, since I realised the spell – and the only way to dismiss a spell, is to call it out. YES – I WAS powerless and YES – My life was unmanageable….

Not any more….. 🙂 True Story – LOL

So ladies, what’s your story? What or who whispered that you were stronger than that storm? How did you rise from your knees? Looking forward to hearing from you all xxxxx