Topic for the week: There is a Solution……
Solution
- an action or process of solving a problem
- an answer to a problem : EXPLANATION
- specifically : a set of values of the variables that satisfies an equation
- a bringing or coming to an end or into a state of discontinuity
“There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Pg 25 BB
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It was wonderful to find out that there was an actual solution to the insanity that I had been living in my entire life. My mind, even before I found relief in drinking, was always “on me”. I was like I was literally being “thought at ” My mind started lying to me disguised as me, from the get go. I didn’t know there was a difference. I thought these were my thoughts-I thought I was those thoughts. I thought you were those thoughts. But in reality it was the noise of the dis-ease that even today, wants me dead but will settle for me drunk.
I’ve heard it said that we also have a thinking problem-in fact, if you have been here a while and the obsession to drink has been removed, then I suggest going through the book again and replacing the word drinking with thinking-it’s eye opening. That’s why when the alcohol gets removed and we are sober, we must continue to grow and strengthen our spiritual connection. More so now, then back then.
My ego wants to tell me that because I have some sober “time” that I’m good. I don’t really need to pray today-I prayed yesterday. I don’t really need to read that meeting, I read something yesterday. I don’t really need to correspond with my sponsee, or ask God where he needs me today-I asked yesterday.
I never got drunk on yesterday’s booze. I didn’t get fed on yesterday’s dinner. I made sure I put on makeup and checked in to let all my “friends” know how cute I look or how my family is doing. I may have even worked out. I never rested on yesterday’s feeding of body, feeding the disease or feeding the ego, so why do I think for one second that I can rest on yesterday’s solution to a disease that will kill me? .
Having an allergy to alcohol (abnormal reaction), is just like a peanut allergy. Except, the person with the allergy to peanuts does not continuously seek to ingest peanuts. He is consciously aware and sane enough to know what will happen if he eats them. I, on the other hand, will obsess about it, try to find loopholes, bargain, think it through and then go to great lengths to find ways to destroy myself and end my state of sobriety. I can be stone cold sober physically, but drunk on drama and unmanageability.
We as alcoholics have a 3 fold disease. This was VERY significant for me to absorb so I could fully embrace the entire solution. When I was new, I didn’t have the capacity to comprehend the magnitude of what I was up against, I just didn’t want to drink anymore. I honestly thought I would hit a few meetings, not drink, do this step stuff and live happily ever after. That’s fine, because I couldn’t have handled much else at the time, but if I stayed there, in AA kindergarten, then I would be dead.
Mind-Obsession, incessant thoughts about other people, replaying the past, reliving past senorios, rehearsing conversations, manipulation, scheming, lying-sober or not:
“I’m gonna say this, so they will do that”,
“I need to get this because if I don’t have it then….”
“what will they think if I get this car”
“did they see me do that? OMG, what if I get fired! What will I do?”
“I wonder if he will be there, OMG, what if she is with him”
“If they ask me to do….then how do I tell them no, I know, I will tell them I’m sick”
“Why aren’t my neighbors aren’t moving their car, I think I will tell them how it makes me feel”
“I need to tell her this so maybe she will….”
“Remember when you did that at that party…I’m disgusting, I hate myself-I hate everyone.”
“I hope I see him so he sees what I look like now and wants me back”
“That bitch thinks she can do that to me?!?”
I MEAN…how in the hell could God/truth/good/beauty/gratitude get in through all that noise??? It’s exhausting juggling all that! That frequency/channel allows nothing in but static nonsense! I need to change the channel! But how do you change something you think is completely normal?? I learned I could change the channel from hearing the ESH of honest, spirit filled, recovered alcoholics who had no problem sharing the dark reality of what I was living in daily. It was gross. It was heavy, and it is NOT normal. And then offering me a way out. Normalizing the abnormal kept me sick.
Body-When I ingest alcohol I want more. It’s like a switch is turned on. A normal drinker will start to feel the warm and fuzzy feelings, get a little tired and call it a night. NOT ME. I’m off to the races! I instantly want more. I will go to any lengths to recapture the first time my body recorded that feeling of ease and comfort and I want more. I do not process alcohol normally so I can’t drink it. I can never drink it. But I need to further my growth so I never again seek to fill myself with poison of any form for ease and comfort.
Spirit-My spirit suffers when it disconnects from me when I am on a spree. The disease can manifest in sex sprees, shopping sprees, fear sprees, food sprees, drama spress, thinking sprees, anger sprees, politics sprees, news sprees, emotionally charged social cause sprees -all symptoms of obsession to consume or get more of something because my spirit is malnourished and without purpose. I can so easily go to extremes-so the solution brings me back to center.
If one or all parts of self are out of balance, we suffer. We can always get back on track-no matter how far down the scale I have gone-again, sober or not. I don’t care if you have 100 years sober time- if you are suffering because of a wicked case of untreated alcoholism-please ask for help. We have all been there!! The solution is in having a new experience with the Steps that paves the way back to the source that nourishes us. The things we may be seeking relief in are temporary/temporal-God is infinite, merciful, sustainable, safe and stable.
Asking the group to share one of your favorite passages from chapter 2 “There is a Solution” and your personal experience with the Solution.
I pray you are all well wherever you are!!
Hilarie
4.8.14