Dec 09: Honesty


Growing up, my father was very strict, and he always raised us kids to always be honest no matter what the consequences might be for doing or saying something we shouldn’t have. I do not know if my parents had some sort of way of seeing inside of us kids or what but they could always tell when we were not telling the truth. It took me awhile to realize that but, once I did, I saved my bare ass many times for being honest. I tried raising my two daughters the same way, but I do know there were times that they were not completely honest.

When I came into the program, I just knew I was a very honest person so that was not a problem for me. Than I did my 4th & 5th step with my sponsor and realized I was not always the perfectly honest person I perceived myself to be, and not only to myself but others also. I was totally dishonest about my drinking and even got to the point where I would hide an extra 5th so I wouldn’t run out. Throwing empty bottles in the woods so I wouldn’t have to put them in the garbage and anyone would find them and know how much I was drinking.

I do not nor ever have wanted to hurt peoples’ feelings, so I was never completely honest with them when asked a direct question. I would maybe tell some little white lies. I stole money and cigarettes from where I worked but felt so guilty would pay it back. It was never a lot, but it was the fact that I did it and that was very dishonest. Today, I sometimes get myself in trouble with my children because I won’t lie to them and yet, if it’s something that I know will cause trouble, it makes me very uncomfortable and they know it every time. So today I let them know not to tell me anything they don’t want the other one to know because I will not lie.

It’s very confusing sometimes for me to honestly know how to handle certain situations where telling the truth can cause so many problems and hard feelings. I have recently gone through a situation like that, and it’s a situation where I don’t feel it’s anyone’s business. So how do you gals handle different situations where you know this program is a program of honesty but something happens you don’t feel comfortable being totally honest about it.