Pg. 57 of the 12/12 states “Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness.”
I was drawn to this statement recently as I have found myself “alone” more often. My husband has taken up the hobby of Sporting Clay Shooting and is traveling almost every weekend for tournaments. I have found myself staying behind caring for the animals and the home. We are empty nesters so no children at home. During these times I have been amazed in my sober state how I don’t feel overwhelming loneliness. I often find these times peaceful and content. This made me ask why? What changed?
I recall in the past when I was drinking, being alone to me meant I needed to fill that time and space with something. Being alone was uncomfortable. I always felt like to needed to be doing something or be with someone. Being alone was often a great excuse or justification to drink as much as I wanted. There could be no limits when I was alone.
As I was contemplating the term loneliness in my AA literature, I came across the term aloneness often referenced in passages in As Bill Sees It. I sought to find a difference between loneliness and aloneness as it related to AA.
Loneliness is seen as a problem. A torture of alcoholism. Often loneliness can be present even when surrounded by others. Emotional isolation is associated with self-pity, and a disconnection from self and god/higher power. An action is needed to step out of loneliness. This action for me is the program of recovery, AA.
Aloneness is a gift; it feels empowering. It is a positive spiritual awakening which to me restores my self-worth. It is the freedom to be alone without the feeling of being isolated or missing out. It can allow for time for constructive introspection, meditation and self-discovery.
Well no wonder when I am “alone” these days, I’m not lonely. I have all the gifts this program has given me right there with me to keep me company. The AA rooms, sober support, a sponsor, readings, and of course my god/higher power is never far from me.