Mar 29: Resentments


Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. In the Daily Reflections, it says “If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue to relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself. In As Bill Sees It … harbouring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. Anger is a luxury I cannot afford.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. 
Know God;
Know peace.
No God;
No peace.

This is only a little of what is written in Daily Reflections. I know anger comes from my resentments. This is where my mantras come into play. Let go and let God. I can still get angry, I can still feel the emotions but my choice is not to cover over it with alcohol and I can’t afford to stay there, so I must pray, talk to my sponsor, and go to meetings. I struggle with meditating but in listening to people talk it is an important part of my sobriety.

Prayer is talking to God…….meditation is listening to God.

Resentments for me come from feeling I am not enough! Why does she have more than me. Why is she thinner, prettier than me. My knitting is never as good as hers … the list goes on and on and on.

In my two years of sobriety I have grown. Thank goodness for spiritual progress and not perfection … I need to go easy on myself, forgive myself like I forgive others.

My great sponsor reminds me as I continue on this spiral journey, don’t compare myself to others. I am enough. Pat myself on the back because whatever I have gone thru (dealing with life on life’s terms) I didn’t have a drink.

When the resentments set in, I go back to a book I was given in an AA meeting “The Golden Key.” Six short pages … when a person or event is upsetting me, my eyes are off God. Using the theory “Golden Key” it or them it really works.

I am learning daily, what is my business and what is not, that I am not in control of people. That they are behaving the only way they know how to. It is not up to me to do their inventory … lol just do my own and keep my side of the street clean!

I am so thankful to be on this journey with the many I have met in GROW. When I read a share that I just need to read, I know it is God’s handiwork. Nothing happens in God’s universe by accident. I just need to sit back and ask “What is God trying to teach me right now?” Be Still and Know that I am God. I know God loves me just as I am, but he loves me too much to leave me there.