May 02: Step 5

Step Five – “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” 

My name is Heidi and I’m an alcoholic. I just read step 5 again in the 12&12 and that really helped.  I am presently working on a big step 4 in another fellowship (around my past relationships) and finding it very overwhelming.  I have done a few fourth steps and fifth steps in my sobriety over the years.

I identified with this quote from step 5:

“Even A.A. oldtimers, sober for years, often pay dearly for skimping this Step. They will tell how they tried to carry the load alone; how much they suffered of irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression; and how, unconsciously seeking relief, they would sometimes accuse even their best friends of the very character defects they themselves were trying to conceal.” 

I probably have paid for skimping in the past with irritability, remorse, depression, etc.  I am finding it painful today in writing this particular 4th step (and the fear of sharing another 5th step) but I know it’s necessary to be able to forgive others (past love relationships).  I want peace of mind. I want to be able to forgive myself for what I feel like were mistakes I made in my sober life.  I still find admitting my character defects or things I’ve done in my sobriety very difficult but I know from experience once I get these things off my chest to my sponsor or another sober member I have a chance to be free.