Nov 13: Fear


Good morning friends. My name is Karrie and I am an alcoholic. Today I Celebrate my third anniversary in sobriety. Yahooooo. I am incredibly grateful to my higher power and to AA. It is only by the grace of a power greater than myself that I am here writing this morning. So many positive and beautiful things have happened since I put the bottle down. It’s not always been easy but it sure is a lot better then I ever imagined it could be.

As I sit here writing, I am struggling with a topic that will sound spiritual and that you all will say “WOW look at this girl she has it going on.” So I think I’ll skip over all of that. Over and over I find myself trying to please people. Working a fourth step with my sponsor, I have come to see that I am seeking love and approval from people by performing. It’s been a hard thing to look at and work on. It’s basis is that ugly word … FEAR. I am not going to get what I want, when I want it, and how much I want of it, and the way I want it and on and on.

The big book describes me perfectly over and over: “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.”

“This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve.”

In sobriety I have had many opportunities to face things afraid. I’m grateful for my sponsor and all of you who are here with me as I walk this journey and get better. I want my life to be happy joyous and free. As I face my fears and look at myself, by working the steps, there is freedom and peace from this disease. Thank you for being part of my journey, I am grateful to you all. The meeting is now open on the topic of fear or anything else that you need to talk about to keep you from a drink.