Topic for the week:
We relax and take it easy.
My first AA sponsor, Suzanne, told me early on, when I was still freaking out a lot of the time, that AA took the urgency out of living for her.
I had no idea what she was talking about.
At the time I didn’t understand that my old habits and patterns that predated my alcohol abuse still ruled my life. Chief among these habits was and is exposing myself to drama.
These days it’s not the drinking drama: not being able to work due to hangovers, not being able to remember what I did the night before, lying about everything followed by full-time lie tracking.
I can still generate this kind of stress with overworking, overdoing, watching the news, seeing my family of origin, or calling friends who are still generating drama in their personal lives.
Which is not what Bill and the writers of AA’s Big Book wanted for me. Suzanne also asked me to read page 86 of the Big Book each morning. This part was my favorite:
“In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.”
We don’t struggle. Ten years on, I realize that almost all struggle and internal stress and strain I feel in my body comes when I am trying to do more than I have time to do, get someone to see things my way, make someone do something they can’t do, or acquire something my higher power doesn’t want for me.
When I feel that struggle I try to surrender. Relax. Remember that I have a higher power who will not drop me on my head.
How has your relationship with struggle changed in sobriety? What challenges remain?
How do you find ways to be gentle with yourself and trust your higher power? Are there other passages in AA literature that you draw on?
I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this or whatever is on your heart to share this week.
Kirsten